Tuxedo Warrior (1982) Poster

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1/10
Uh...wow...just wow!
udar5521 December 2008
Wow! I've spent the better part of a week plodding through this Zimbabwe lensed action-drama that just might be the sappiest tough guy film ever! John Wyman cashes in on his notoriety as a Bond villain in FOR YOUR EYES ONLY (1981) to star as Cliff, a gin-drinking bar owner who has a penchant for being moody and pissing off everyone except his monkey Crap Shot. Trouble falls into his lap twice when, first, Grigg (James Coburn, Jr.) gives him some stolen diamonds before dying and, second, old flame and gambling addict Lisa (Carol Royle) wants Cliff to get her and her wanted husband (John Terry) over the border. What is a histrionic tuxedo warrior to do?

With dreams of THE African QUEEN dancing in their heads, the filmmakers behind TUXEDO WARRIOR seem to have crafted a film from another era that is neatly dressed in 80s fashion. Director-writer Andrew Sinclair is solely to blame for this one as he pens some of the goofiest dialog outside of romance novels. This is what Lisa says to Cliff after they first make love (they are supposed to be madly in love): "You force me and I won't. And you still do and I will! You think you've won, but you haven't. You've lost. You're losing me. For a moment, yes, you got me and I love it. But then it's over and I remember I hate you!"

You had me at, "You force me." Seriously, nearly all of the dialogue is like that. To make things even better, Sinclair stages some unintentionally hilarious scenes as well like when Cliff gets the news (via courier) that Lisa is breaking up with him while in the break room at the dam he is constructing. He flips out and a brawl immediately erupts with everyone in the room before Cliff is subdued by a karate kick throwing co-worker. But this isn't all fun and games. This is serious, serious stuff and not for the weak of heart. Holly Palance (Jack's daughter) shows up for a bit as one of Cliff's jaded ex-lovers and Brit Cliff Twemlow pops up as a raspy voiced bouncer named Chaser.
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1/10
Dreadful….simply dreadful
HaemovoreRex22 September 2007
Talk about misleading advertising! From the UK video box cover and stills and indeed the title of this, one would logically assume that this is some sort of James Bond style action yarn. In truth, nothing could be further from reality!

In fact this is an absolutely risible story of lost love, sex, gambling addiction, a monkey called Crap Shot(!) and some stolen diamonds!

To call this a confused mess would be complimentary! John Wyman (who played the seemingly indestructible Erich Kriegler in the James bond outing, For Your Eyes Only) headlines in this as a decidedly miserable and thoroughly unlikable sod called Cliff who devotes most of his time between alternatively guzzling whiskey and bedding women who he treats like sh- well, not very well to put it mildly (in one scene he even attempts to rape a woman!) The film also features Hawk The Slayer himself, John Terry, although sadly there's no sign of his Spirit sword in this (if only it would have flown into his hand so that he could have sliced up the rest of the cast!)

As it is, this is a monumentally awful, nonsensical and frankly interminable production that is incredibly difficult to sit through in its entirety. In fact I can say only two good things about this film: One is the beautiful scenery on display which is truly breathtaking and two is a completely retarded but amusing scene in which our 'hero' goes completely berserk in a bar after he receives a letter from a woman who has just left him (clever girl!)

Dreadful film, plain and simple.
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3/10
Weak adventure film
tarbosh2200021 August 2018
Warning: Spoilers
Cliff (Wyman) is a surly strongman who only appears to like three things in life: to sit in his bar in Zimbabwe and drink whiskey, to manhandle the local female population, and to play aggressive, solo shuffleboard with flaming shot glasses of an unknown alcohol. He also has a pet monkey named Crapshot. (Though it may be Crackshot. Wouldn't Crackshot make more sense?) Cliff's life gets slightly more complicated when...well, normally we don't do this, but perhaps it's best if we let the amusingly overwrought, overheated, and, frankly, deceptive description on the back of the New World VHS box do the talking. Quote:

"The action races as fast and furiously as charging rhinos in Tuxedo Warrior, an adventure of passion, greed, and desperate struggle set in the hot cauldron of turmoil that is Africa today. Cliff (John Wyman) is an adventurer. Strong, heroic, but worn and scarred. His bar, The Omega, is a hangout for lost souls and dubious characters located near Victoria Falls in Zimbabwe. A gang of diamond thieves is on the loose, headed his way. An old flame and her husband have robbed a bank and are on the run. The authorities are searching for the diamonds and stolen money. Cliff is caught in the center, dangerously enmeshed in divided loyalties. Running the thin line between heroic friendship and illicit activity. Part lover, part fighter. He'll blow you a kiss or blow you away. It's non-stop action in overdrive through untamed territory where the most dangerous animals are human."



To correct the record, it's non-stop boredom in overdrive. And I certainly don't want Cliff to blow me a kiss or blow me away. While sporting a small handful of silly barfights, chases and gun-shooting, Tuxedo Warrior is far closer to a dialogue-heavy, romantic soap opera like Days of Our Lives or As the World Turns than anything resembling an action movie.





The best you can say is that it was trying to be an "adventure" movie (as opposed to action), but it's just dull. Another sign of the desperate, the casting of celebrity relatives - in this case Holly Palance and James Coburn, Jr. - doesn't really help the proceedings. Especially when Palance spends time talking to a dartboard. Plus, it's hard for Cliff to seem menacing when he's wearing a shorty robe.

In what is perhaps the ultimate missed opportunity, nobody in the movie refers to the Tuxedo Warrior, Cliff, as "Tux" for short. But perhaps it's all for the best, as we all know Jackie Chan is the true Tuxedo warrior. Much like other movies featured on this site such as The Opium Connection (1966), Slaughter Day (1973), Battle Force (1978), or The Second Victory (1987), to name a few, Tuxedo Warrior falls into the category of staid, safe drama and not action. We're here to pass on the info - don't get suckered in by the title and the promise of action that compares itself to charging rhinos like we did (and have done so many times before). When your movie - and its audience - cries out for an appearance by Simon MacCorkindale, and said MacCorkindale does not appear, despair quickly sets in.

Final notes: Tuxedo Warrior is a Manson International production, and features some music by Rusty Egan of the band Visage. It's all in the background and doesn't improve things like you think it might. Chalk up another disappointment. There also may be some similar shooting locations to Damned River (1989). Also there's an actress, in her only credited movie role to date, whose name is Carmel Pocket. She has a great name. But not great enough to save the movie, unfortunately. We only hope she did some candy commercials in her on-screen career.

In 1986, when the New World VHS was released, there were many videos on store shelves. Tuxedo Warrior was one of them.
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