The Charmings (1987–1988)
Judy Parfitt: Queen Lillian White
Snow White Charming : Mother, you shouldn't be doing bad deeds this close to Christmas, you want to be on your best behavior for Santa.
Queen Lillian White : Santa? You two still believe in Santa? Oh this is rich.
Snow White Charming : Why shouldn't we believe in him?
Eric Charming : Hasn't he come every year on Christmas Eve?
Queen Lillian White : This is not the Enchanted Forrest, this is the Twentieth Century. There are no wishing wells, no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, and certainly no Santa Claus.
Sally Miller : [knocks on the door, then enters] Hi, you guys want to come to the mall to see Santa Claus?
Snow White Charming : [referring to Lillian] Mother's spells run hot and cold. Maybe she is going through the change?
Queen Lillian White : How dare she insult my witchcraft! Oh, is it hot in here?
The Mirror : Well, Lillian, let's examine the evidence first. You get us stuck here, now you've brought Cinderella. Next I suppose it will be Goldilocks and The Three Bears, then what are you going to do?
Queen Lillian White : We'll buy some porridge... OK?
Queen Lillian White : [Lillian has been called in for an IRS audit, and is speaking to herself] They're not going to intimidate me, they're not going to intimidate me, they're not going to intimidate me.
IRS Agent : Next!
[points to Lillian]
Queen Lillian White : You can't do anything to me, I've done nothing wrong.
IRS Agent : I hear that all the time. When it comes to tax fraud, everyone swears they're "lilly white."
Queen Lillian White : But I am Lilly White!
IRS Agent : Sure, sure, sure. Now sit down!
Queen Lillian White : I'm warning you, I'm a witch!
IRS Agent : Oh, yeah? So is my wife. Now, you say you're self employed. Doing what?
Queen Lillian White : Doing this.
[she makes the lamp on the desk levitate]
IRS Agent : Not bad. But I saw that on a Bud Light commercial.
[Lillian then zaps up a huge snake]
IRS Agent : Any other dependents?
Queen Lillian White : Tough room!
[zaps the snake away]
IRS Agent : Now look, lady, I've been doing this for 22 years. I've seen it all, I've heard it all. Now where did you get the money?
Queen Lillian White : I tapped into the credit system through my magic mirror.
IRS Agent : Ok, I haven't heard it all.