SpongeBob SquarePants (1999– )
Bill Fagerbakke: Patrick Star, Patrick, Fish #3, Customer #2, Fish #1, Fish #107, Fish #2, Cop #1, Customer, Customer #1...
Patrick : The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma.
[thought bubble for Patrick shows a carton of milk tipping over and spilling]
[SpongeBob appears on the horizon]
Sandy Cheeks : Here, Patrick. Have a Krabby Patty.
Sandy Cheeks : Psst. There he is Patrick, say your line.
Patrick : [picks up paper] Why thank you, Sandy. Take Patty. Too bad SpongeBob isn't here to enjoy this. These are his favorite.
[on the verge of tears]
Patrick : Take bite.
Squidward : Okay i want everyone to stand in straight rows of five.
SpongeBob SquarePants : Is this the part where we start kicking?
Squidward : No SpongeBob. That's a chorus line.
Patrick : Kicking? I wanna do some kicking!
Sandy Cheeks : Ow! Why you...
[gets into a fight with Patrick]
Patrick : [screams loudly]
Patrick : Who ever's the owner of the white sedan you left your lights on.
Patrick : Breakfast!
Patrick : Oh boy that was some party! Oh hey SpongeBob! Hey Junior! What? What?
SpongeBob SquarePants : Oh nothing.
Patrick : Oh what a relive for a second there I thought you'd be mad at me.
SpongeBob SquarePants : Do you remember what you said to me this morning?
Patrick : Something about root beer right?
SpongeBob SquarePants : No.
Patrick : Oh wait let me guess let me guess! I give up!
SpongeBob SquarePants : Does you can take the night off pal ring a bell?
Patrick : I don't need this.
SpongeBob SquarePants : What? Where do you think you're going?
Patrick : I'm going back to work!
SpongeBob SquarePants : Work?
Patrick : He got hit in the head with two coconuts!
SpongeBob SquarePants : So this is work?
Patrick : You know it's not as easy as it looks. Sometimes i gotta move the antenna, sometimes i lose the remote and sometimes my butt itches real bad.
SpongeBob SquarePants : Oh you poor poor thing. By the way you forgot you briefcase!
Patrick : Oh. So this is the thanks i get for working overtime!
SpongeBob SquarePants : Overtime?
Patrick : Yeah overtime pal! I'm to tired to work!
SpongeBob SquarePants : Oh if that's the kind of work your doing i've been working my fingers to the bone you never helped never!
Squidward : All right you two! Out! And don't even think about jogging your empty skulls for the rest of the day! Or tomorrow or next week
SpongeBob SquarePants : Squidward does that include...
Squidward : Yes it does!
SpongeBob SquarePants : Gee Patrick. Do you think Squidward was trying to tell us something?
Squidward : Yes i was! You call yourselves good neighbors? You're the worst neighbors ever! You don't deserve to wear these fezzes!
SpongeBob SquarePants : Gee Pat. Maybe President Squidward's right.
Patrick : Yeah. I guess we're not good neighbors after all.
Squidward : No you aren't! You're horrible neighbors! And stop calling me president!
Squidward : I was trying to take a nap over here!
SpongeBob SquarePants : Hang on Squidward. Patrick was just about to figure out where this last piece of this puzzle goes. Weren't you Patrick?
Patrick : Who's the green guy?
Squidward : It's the last piece of the puzzle! There's only one place it can go right here!
SpongeBob SquarePants : Squidward! It wasn't your turn! That's cheating.
Squidward : Cheating? It's a jigsaw puzzle you can't cheat!
Patrick : It's a game! It's a game!
Squidward : Only 364 days and nine years left until i exchange this concrete tomb for a multi story ocean liner cruise.
SpongeBob SquarePants : Hey Squidward.
Squidward : SpongeBob.
Mr. Krabs : The boy and i just thought we'd stop by and check on our convict friend.
Squidward : Call me what you may, fact of the matter is i found out the mystery customer's name first so i win. I win i win i win i win i win!
Mr. Krabs : Enjoy your prize.
Squidward : Whoo-hoo-hoo! Tropical vacation here i come!
Mr. Krabs : Vacation? Who said anything about a vacation?
Squidward : What? In the brochure it specifically mentions an ocean liner vacation.
Mr. Krabs : Oh, you mean that brochure. Well that was the prize. The brochure. It was taking up too much room in me drawers you know. So it's your prize.
Squidward : You mean no vacation?
Mr. Krabs : Nope, just the brochure. Well got to get back to counting me loot. Enjoy your new prize Squidward.
SpongeBob SquarePants : See you on the outside in ten years buddy.
Squidward : Oh well at least I'll have some peace and quiet for the next ten years.
Patrick : Hey Squidward. Parcheesi?
Patrick : Ice cream! Did somebody say ice cream?
Patrick : What's hide and seek?
SpongeBob SquarePants : Gee. Patrick sure is a heavy sleeper.
Patrick : Huh? Who said that? Who's there?
SpongeBob SquarePants : Uh.
Patrick : It's the clam burglar! And he's stealing my secret box! Hand over the good secret box bandit and prepare for the most unpleasant pillow fight of your life!
SpongeBob SquarePants : Wait wait wait Patrick stop! It's me SpongeBob!
Patrick : Nice try burglar but SpongeBob's my best friend and he'd never steal from me!
SpongeBob SquarePants : Whoo-hoo! I'm flying! Yee-haw!
Patrick : Hey SpongeBob! I can't believe you can actually fly like you said in your letter!
SpongeBob SquarePants : Patrick? You're Pen Pal?
Patrick : Duh!
SpongeBob SquarePants : But... but you said you were dying! You're not dying!
Patrick : Dying? Oh oh! You didn't read the whole letter!
SpongeBob SquarePants : See it says i wish i could watch you because i am dying!
Patrick : And here's the second page! To see you as a real pilot SpongeBob. Here are some other things i like to see: candy rain a firetruck full of clowns and a bunch of other stuff
SpongeBob SquarePants : It all makes sense now! Oh Patrick!
Patrick : You thought i was dying!
SpongeBob SquarePants : It's okay Patrick not everyone is equipped to bear the awesome weight of responsibility that a uniform hat represents. But you can wear mine anytime you want.
Patrick : Really?
SpongeBob SquarePants : Sure thing pal.
Patrick : Thanks SpongeBob! You're the best!
SpongeBob SquarePants : Anytime pal. Anytime.
Patrick : I love toys!
SpongeBob SquarePants : Pick up order!
Patrick : Do i get my award yet?
SpongeBob SquarePants : No you have to take the tray to the costumer. Almost try again and make sure the food gets to the table.
Patrick : Like that?
SpongeBob SquarePants : Nope.
Patrick : Barnacles!
SpongeBob SquarePants : Let's try something else. All you have to do is answer the phone.
Patrick : Aye aye captain.
SpongeBob SquarePants : Squidward! You decided to join the party
Patrick : Party!
Squidward : Let me out of here.
SpongeBob SquarePants : We were just gonna play some party games.
Patrick : Tag you're it
SpongeBob SquarePants : Tag you're it
Patrick : Tag you're it
Squidward : I gotta get out of here.
Squidward : There's no way to climb out of here.
SpongeBob SquarePants : Maybe if you had more upper arm strength.
Patrick : Yeah you should work out more.
Squidward : Well why don't i just start right now? After all i got a couple of dumbbells right here.
Patrick : I don't get it.
Squidward : Could you not stand so close? You're making me claustrophobic.
Patrick : What does claustrophobic mean?
SpongeBob SquarePants : It means he's afraid of Santa Claus.
Squidward : No it doesn't
Patrick : Ho ho ho!
SpongeBob SquarePants : Stop it Patrick! You're scaring him!
Patrick : Ho ho ho!
Squidward : It's not working Patrick.
Patrick : Darn.
SpongeBob SquarePants : Um Squidward you're standing on my foot.
SpongeBob SquarePants : Oops sorry SpongeBob.
Patrick : And you got your elbow in my ribs.
Squidward : Ew! Patrick!
Patrick : And stop stepping in my potato salad!
SpongeBob SquarePants : Hey hey hey guys?
Squidward : Stop pushing me Patrick.
Patrick : You mean like this?
Squidward : No like this!
SpongeBob SquarePants : You shouldn't fight in here! This is a magical place.
Squidward : Patrick get off of me! I told you I am claustrophobic!
Patrick : Nice try Squidward but there's no Santa Claus here!
Squidward : Patrick!
Patrick : Hey SpongeBob what's with all the ruckus?
SpongeBob SquarePants : Take a look for yourself Patrick.
Patrick : It's the evil doodle!
SpongeBob SquarePants : No no not evil. He was just a two dimensional creature lost in our three dimensional aquatic world longing for a purpose.
Patrick : So... He's a drawing?
SpongeBob SquarePants : Exactly! See how happy he is?
Patrick : He still looks kind of creepy.
SpongeBob SquarePants : Oh hi Squidward. Up from your slumber I see. Well you're just in time to endure in a friendly game of indoor miniature golf!
Squidward : I will not indulge in anything friendly or otherwise with the likes of you two! And presently I am heading back to enjoy a well-deserved mid morning nap!
Patrick : Aw. But we sculpted your likeness out of butter on hole five.
Squidward : I don't care! Listen up I will not be woken from my nap again and if I am I'm gonna...
Patrick : Join us on the back nine?
Squidward : Just don't let it happen again! Or else.
Squidward : That's it I'm done!
SpongeBob SquarePants : Squidward? What are you doing in the Fishtraps house?
Squidward : You idiots! It's not the Fishtraps house, it's your house and that is still Patrick's house! You just saw a commercial that's all!
Patrick : So is Nick Fishkins gonna live in my house?
Squidward : He doesn't live in the houses he buys.
SpongeBob SquarePants : Well if he doesn't live in them what does he do with them?
Squidward : He flips the houses you dimwits! He buy houses then resells them for a profit! He flips houses for a living!
Patrick : He flips houses for a living?
Squidward : Yes! And i'm calling Nick Fishkins right now to come over and flip my house so i can move away!
Patrick : The artist needs a lunch break.
SpongeBob SquarePants : So this is work?
Patrick : You know it's not as easy as it looks. Sometimes I gotta move the antenna, sometimes i lose the remote and sometimes my butt itches real bad!
SpongeBob SquarePants : Oh you poor poor thing. By the way you forgot your briefcase!
Patrick : Oh so this is the thanks I get for working overtime?
SpongeBob SquarePants : Overtime!
Patrick : Yeah overtime pal. You know what that means? It means working when your just too tired to work You just keep going on working and working!
SpongeBob SquarePants : Oh boy yeah you're working and that's the kind of work you're doing? Show me where I can sign up for this because i've been working my fingers to the bone! You never help! Never!
SpongeBob SquarePants : All right Patrick we gotta get started painting this wall with the permanent paint we aren't allowed to get on anything but the wall. Well here we go.
French Narrator : One hour later...
SpongeBob SquarePants : Just a few more seconds of mental preparation and i'll be painting this wall.
French Narrator : Two hours later...
SpongeBob SquarePants : I'm getting to the painting.
French Narrator : Three hours later...
Patrick : Can you move it along? I'm all out of time cards.
SpongeBob SquarePants : No problem. Here I go.