Party Monster (2003)
James: Now it's all about photo placement. So if you're in a group of three always, always, always make sure that you're the one standing on the right because that way when they print the picture you'll be the one on the left. The caption will read "James St. James and bla bla bla" were seen, okay?
[Michael is taking notes]
James: Okay. Rules of press. Number one, no publicity is bad publicity. Number two, once something is printed it automatically becomes true. So number three, never ever dish anyone in print. Never be seen drinking anything other than champagne and never take heroin. Never wear white after Labor Day and avoid that one like the plague!
[points to photo of Peter Gatien]
Michael Alig: More, more!
James: Okay, okay. The art of working a room. Upon making your grand entrance, take your partner by the hand and circle around the room. Smile and say "hello" to everyone in the room. Even if you don't know them. Especially if you don't know them!
[walks around donut shop]
Michael Alig: Hello! Hi!
James: Hi! Oh I'm so glad you came.
Michael Alig: I know you!
James: Go once around the room in opposite directions. You go clockwise to my anti-clockwise. Tell all the people how you've lost your friend and how desperate you are to find them. Oh, where could my friend be? Now suddenly we bump into each other and scream with uncontained joy!
[bumps into Michael and screams]
James: Good! Now link arms and around we go once more telling all our new found friends how we've found each other. We found each other!
Michael Alig: We found each other! Don't worry, I've found him!
James: Then leave. The whole thing should take an hour, 90 minutes tops. Do that once a night for three months and you'll be the toast of the town.
Michael Alig: [singing] Greetings, citizens. We are living in the age where the pursuit of all values other than money, success, fame and glamour, has either been discredited or destroyed. Money, success, fame, glamour.
[after James' phone conversion with Michael, who is in prison]
Interviewer: I can't believe you still talk to him.
James: Well, when was the last time you heard of a pea changing its pod?
Michael: Oh, no thanks... I don't do drugs.
James: Nor do I.
[snorts Special K]
James: Did you see that? It just flew right up my nose!
James: Michael, I hate when you make me say serious things, so I'm only going to say this once: You've gone too far with the drugs.
Michael Alig: Have you looked at yourself?
James: I'm not addicted to drugs, I'm addicted to glamour.
Michael: 132nd street, and on the double!
Keoki: Are we going very far?
Michael: All the way, I hope...
Michael Alig: It's not so bad and after Gitsie and I get married we can have conjugal visits!
James: Oh Michael, Im so sorry, didn't you hear? Gitsie's dead. She had an overdose.
[Michael is silent]
James: That's better than a ten-inch dick and you know it!
Michael Alig: I'm getting away with murder and you're just jealous.
[to the Club Kids]
Dallas stage hand: Okay, you guys are on stage in five.
James: What do you mean, on stage?
Dallas stage hand: You know - your show.
James: Wait, what show?
[stage hand walks off]
James: But we don't do anything!
James: Oh darling, half the fun of eating meat is hacking it up!
Michael Alig: Let's see... what else, oh once when I was 10 my Sunday school teacher took me back to his house. He taught me how to french kiss among other things...
Elke: He really took my boy under his wind. Very nice man.
Michael Alig: His mother caught us in the basement. She screamed, "I told you not to bring them here." He said, "Don't you'll frighten them away!"
Michael Alig: [to James St James] I want you to teach me how to be fabulous.
Michael Alig: Oh typical James. Can't even stay awake for your own movie. But it's not your movie, it's really my movie. Hi. I'm Michael Alig.
James: That's all you really need to know. That and don't dream it, be it.
Michael Alig: Rocky Horror, it's my fave!
The Rat: Remember me? Clara the Chicken... and Terisius the Rat!
James: [in exasperated voice] No!
The Rat: [pats James' head] You really should stay off the K
Michael Alig: Look James, this is going to be more than a club. It will be like a home, for everyone who ever felt like a freak, for everyone who was ever beat on or spat on in highschool, for everyone who felt different. It will be like the factory and i'll be the next Andy Warhol.
James: Ok. Earth to you : Andy Warhol is still alive and well.
Michael Alig: It's not me that's tired. It's your club. No one wants to come here.
Peter Gatien: [hands Michael an envelope] That's a statement. The damage done to the club will be reimbursed from your earnings from this party and the next two parties that you throw.
Michael Alig: Wow! A job! You won't regret this.
Peter Gatien: We'll see.
Michael Alig: Come to my party?
Keoki: Oh dude, thank you so much.
Michael Alig: You could be my boyfriend.
Keoki: Oh actually, um, I'm not gay. I'm actually here with a couple of babes.
Michael Alig: Well, let's talk after a couple cocktails. Drink ticket?
Michael Alig: Oh James! I'm so glad I ran into you. Here, come to my party. The first annual King and Queen of Downtown Pageant.
James: I'd rather suck on a urinal cake.
Michael Alig: But James you have to come. You're my best friend.
James: How can we be best friends when I don't even like you?
Michael Alig: Have you met Keoki?
James: Well Aloha. How about a lei? I've always had a soft spot for Hawaiian Punch.
Michael Alig: [slaps James' hand] His name is Keoki and he's my new boyfriend. Tootles!
[reads party flyer]
James: Wait, it says here that I'm the emcee!
Keoki: What's that?
Michael Alig: It's a kitty! Aw, it's our lovechild. We'll call him Skrinkle.
James: [voice over] As you dry your eyes, let me just say this about that. Skrinkle was just the beginning. Skrinkle begat Skroddle and Skrinkle and Skroddle were the Lego blocks of a strange new world he was building for us all. You were either a Skrink or a Skrod. I was a Skrinklada if I was good or a stupid Skrod lover if I was bad. Somehow, his dopey language caught on like his stupid parties.
Michael Alig: [catches James and Keoki doing drugs] You pathetic, drug addict losers!
James: Michael, I am not addicted to drugs. I am addicted to glamour.
Michael Alig: You! James Clark, you should be ashamed of yourself!
James: How dare you use my real name. And Michael, your champagne. Oh correction, your sparkling wine tastes like piss!
Michael Alig: [to Peter] So where was I? Oh yeah, so we'll put James in a cage and hang a sign over it that says "do not feed the drug child." It will transform Limelight and New York nightlife forever and it will be more outrageous than anything before. New stars, no rules, anything goes. Everyone will want to come.
Peter Gatien: Michael, aren't you listening to anything I've said?
Michael Alig: Yes siree! But this will work.
[pees in James' champagne glass]
Michael Alig: I'd stake my life on it.
Peter Gatien: You're crazy.
Michael Alig: Ah, James! Keoki! Just in time to toast to Disco 2000.
Peter Gatien: To Disco 2000.
Elke: This is all your fault.
James: My fault?
Elke: All your fault. You feeding my child drugs.
James: No! Didn't you see?
James: Come on, I'll take you to Port Authority.
Elke: I came in a stretch limo. I'm not leaving on a bus.
James: [singing] Skriglada laskrog ladoodleda laskrig laskrog ladoodle skriglada skriddladoodle skrogla.
Michael Alig: I knew you'd come.
James: Banana? Peach?
Gitsie: Oh my God! You're alive!
Michael Alig: [laughing] It was so nice being dead. Oh my God. I just had a great idea. The emergency room. We'll all get dressed up like nurses and doctors and give out prescriptions for free drugs and Keoki will DJ and you can be a serial killer nurse with an enema!
James: Michael, I can't.
Gitsie: Can I be a mental patient?
Michael Alig: Of course you can. James, do you have a bump of K?
James: I'm really trying to get my act together and write, Michael.
Michael Alig: A bump of K isn't gonna kill me now, is it?
Michael Alig: Come on, let's get out of here!
James: Michael, you can't just leave. You're attached to things. Michael!
[Michael leave his ER room]
Michael Alig: Come on, James. The show must go on.
Michael Alig: You saved my life, you know? Thank you.
James: I'm afraid I'm going to have to hang up now!
Michael Alig: Why?
James: Because you're trying to turn this into an after school special. Because you wanna get the last word and you want this to end with everyone liking you and it's my movie! I can't let it end that way.
Michael Alig: You always kept our pact. This is where I need to be.
James: I know what you're trying to do and it's not going to work! Goodbye Michael Alig.
Michael Alig: Why don't we make a pact whenever you feel down I'll help you and whenever I feel down you'll help me it'll be like a seesaw except neither one of us can get off.
James: And now I've been cut off without a penny. So, no more trust fund, and no more Gaultier, and no more fucking Comme des Garçons, Michael!
James: No, no, no, for the love of God, no. We are not going to start out with Michael Alig's pathetic childhood - "I was molested, wahhh!"
Michael Alig: Oh, everyone, it's my birthday! Time to pay attention to me!
Talk Show Host: Is it true your son Michael turned you on to the pill ecstacy?
Elke: He told me it was a headache pill.
Talk Show Host: And what happened when you took it?
Elke: Well, my headache went away.
Keoki: [hesitant] Wow, I never thought I'd be taking a cab to the Bronx with a guy. I figured I come to the club... tell a few girls "no, not tonite"... It's just... ehh, you know...
Michael Alig: Get in.
Michael Alig: [to Peter Gatien] I love the eyepatch by the way. Very... Pirates of the Caribbean... *arg*
Natasha: He lost it.
Michael Alig: Whatever
James: Well, congratulations on getting out of the very dangerous world of haberdashery!
Freez: Well, drugs are just a sideline.
Freez: Profitable, though.
[holds up top of clenched hand]
James: May I sample your wares?
James: Today I've come up with the perfect sentence. The rhythm, the syntax, the dipthongs, the dissidence
James: Last night, I dreamt of Glocca Morra... again.
James: It's really a shame you can't publish a sentence. I'm convinced it would be a best-seller.
James: Testing one, two. Testing. Testosterone, testicular cancer, Tess of the d'Urbervilles.
Male Geisha: Why doesn't Fran come into work anymore?
James: Because she's been indicted for tax evasion and cannot leave her house.
Male Geisha: Oh... I miss Fran. Her new house is neat and tidy.
James: [to Keoki] If you are going to be a superstar DJ, there are three simple rules you need to remember: Number One: You can always rely the Studio 54 compilation set. They're premixed! They last for hours. And Number Two: Madonna. Always works. And Number Three: When all else fails, play techno! It's nondescript, nonrecognizable, and everyone will think you're *so* cutting edge.
Michael Alig: [in the bath tub with Gitsie] Well, scrod-la-dah. I can pee again!
Gitsie: Me too!
Michael Alig: Peter still loves me more than he loves you.
[Natasha says nothing]
Michael Alig: I'm still fabulous.
Natasha: When I look in your eyes, do you want to know what I see? I see a poor, pathetic, frightened little boy too scared to face reality.
Natasha: You're fabulous.
Michael Alig: I just want to be loved.
James: [laughs] There isn't enough love in the whole wide world to satisfy you.
Michael Alig: Wait, don't go! Do you want a cocktail? Here, I have drink tickets.
James: [laughing sarcastically] Drink tickets? You obviously couldn't even organize a glass of water!
James: Michael, I have to talk to you!
Michael Alig: Not now, James! We have to go before the police get here. Now get in! You, what's your name?
Angel: Um, I'm Angel.
Michael Alig: Well, where's your wings?
Michael Alig: Listen, could you help us get this door closed? I think you have to do it from the outside.
Angel: If I do that then I won't be able to come.
Michael Alig: If you do this now you'll be one of us and next time I'll make you VIP. Very, very important person. So come on now. Be an Angel.
James: Michael, you're out of your mind.
Michael Alig: Oh please, party in the truck!
Michael Alig: Oh please, the best superstar is a dead superstar.
Keoki: Michael, what are you doing?
Michael Alig: Skrinkle and I just did all your cocaine.
Keoki: You did what?
Michael Alig: Well I just figured if you're gonna ruin our relationship by doing drugs I should see what all the fuss is about.
Keoki: Oh great, so now we have two drug addicts in the family?
Michael Alig: And Skrinkle makes three. Do you have any more?
Keoki: What do you mean any more?
Michael Alig: More as in more. Moron! What part don't you understand, duh face?
Keoki: Fuck you, I'm out of here.
Michael Alig: You're just mad because I did all your stuff and I didn't even like it. If you walk out that door I'm gonna kill myself!
Peter Gatien: I know you don't like them, but the place is packed almost every single night. The kid is doing something right.
Natasha: And that's gonna do us a lot of good when the feds shut us down.
Michael Alig: Think of the press.
Peter Gatien: Think of the cost! I buy you an apartment, set you up with a magazine, pay all your bills, and still you want more. It's never enough. Is it?
Michael Alig: It's a reciprocal kind of relationship. You know, Peter? Father son kind of thing.
Peter Gatien: And another thing. You drug use is become in discriminant.
Michael Alig: I won't do crack without heroin!
Freez: Michael look. You see that hole? There's a hole back there. There's something in there. If I could just reach my hand.
[is bitten by a rat]
Freez: Fuck! Fuck! Fucking rat! I just got bit by a fucking rat.
Michael Alig: Well what do you know. That's not a crack hole, that's a rat hole. Rats on crack attack!
Michael Alig: Oh Angel! We did all your drugs and we need some more.
Angel: You did what?
Michael Alig: We did all your drugs and we need some more. Now!
Angel: You're gonna have to pay for all this.
Michael Alig: [scoffs] How about paying me some rent?
Angel: For what? For all the fucking drugs you've done for free? Forget it!
Michael Alig: Oh. I get it. You're a nobody who I turned into a somebody. Because of me people know who you are. Because of me you get to go on television but that isn't good enough for you because you think you're above it. You and your tired old angel wings.
Angel: Don't start with me, Michael.
Michael Alig: You're just some lame ass, Johnny come lightly, fairy faggot copy cat! You don't know your Skrink from your Skrod you stupid Logger Blogger! But still, no hard feelings?