Employee of the Month (2006) Poster

Dane Cook: Zack



  • Russell : Check it out guy, he's the alpha male of the store... chicks always go after the alpha male, they're like lions... kings of the desert. And you, you're just a little tiny fieldmouse dangling in the teeth of the lion while he's banging your chick. Oh wait a minute... boxboy, you're like the little hairy nutsack on the little hairy fieldmouse swinging back and forth while he's banging your chick...

    Zack : [on radio]  You're metaphors are magical, but shut the hell up! please?

    Russell : [on radio]  Roger... just going back and forth hairy calahari style in and out with his big...

  • Granny : Zacky! What's my pin number?

    Zack : 1234 Grandma, now we have to change it again!

  • [a grumpy lady struggles to load a casket onto a cart] 

    Grumpy Lady : Damn! The thing's heavier than it looks.

    Zack : Hi, do you need some help with that?

    Grumpy Lady : Yes, thank you.

    [they get the casket into the cart] 

    Grumpy Lady : It's for my husband.

    Zack : Oh, I'm sorry to hear about that.

    Grumpy Lady : Oh, he's not dead. Not yet. It's just too good a deal to pass up.

    Zack : Well, do you need some help getting it to your car?

    Grumpy Lady : No, thank you. The lazy prick's waiting for me. I'm gonna make him load it.

    Zack : Well, good luck murdering your husband.

    [the grumpy lady laughs] 

    Zack : If you need my help, holler.

    [on her way out of the store, the grumpy lady addresses Dirk] 

    Grumpy Lady : Excuse me.

    Dirk : Yes?

    Grumpy Lady : That young man is wonderful. I'll be back for sure, just because of him.

    Dirk : [looks at Vince]  Oh, that man there? No surprise.

    Grumpy Lady : No.

    [the grumpy lady goes over to Zack] 

    Grumpy Lady : This is the guy. He's a wonderful fella.

    Dirk : Well, thank you. May I help you find your way to your car?

    Grumpy Lady : I know where it is. Idiot.

  • Vince : Well, I guess I can get a little anal...

    Zack : Actually, I hear he gets alot.

  • Zack : Were all pink on the inside...

    Vince : Like vaginas!

    [awkward pause. Vince coughs] 

  • Vince : I realize that you don't care about your job, but I do.

    Zack : And I want to thank you for caring about my job, really.

  • [Zack holds up a mop, preparing to go clean up a spill, when Vince appears out of a break room with a mop] 

    Zack : You have got to be kidding MEEEEEEEEEEE!

  • Lon : I can't see who's calling me a loser.

    Zack : Well, I'll give you a hint. He waxes his forearms and lost his virginity in the Boy Scouts.

    Lon : Uncle Donny?

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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