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(TV Series)

(2005)

Quotes

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Joan: I believed in him.

Old Lady God: I know. That's what makes it hurt so much.

Joan: What did I do to deserve this?

Old Lady God: Nothing. This isn't punishment, Joan. It's simply part of being alive. Of being involved, of loving.

Joan: Yeah, I'm not doing that anymore. I am NEVER doing that again.

Old Lady God: I know how painful this is, but what you and Adam had was beautiful, too, and it was every bit as real as the pain you're feeling now. You experienced how deeply two people can be connected.

Joan: So what do I learn when someone I trust destroys all that? Huh? Maybe it was never real. Maybe you're not even real. You know, this whole morality thing, right and wrong, it's all just junk. We're all just animals taking what we want.

Old Lady God: You know what innocence is, Joan?

Joan: You know, I don't want mock trial right now.

Old Lady God: Well, it's more than an absence of guilt. It's having faith that there's goodness in the face of cruelty and pain. Some place, you still feel that way. That's me, and I'll always be there for you.

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Ronald Harbison: You're Polk. Ms. Hoder sent you because you're failing history.

Grace Polk: Not failing. Refusing to answer questions about our so-called justice system, which everyone knows is a corrupt capitalist farce.

Ronald Harbison: Excellent. You'll be the defense attorney.

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Joan: We're trying Jack from "Jack and the Beanstalk"?

Ronald Harbison: For the murder of the giant.

Joan: I don't understand. I mean, Jack obviously did it. Any five year old knows that.

Grace Polk: It was self-defense, dude. The giant was trying to eat him.

Joan: Jack broke in and stole stuff. That's breaking and entering, and murder one.

Ronald Harbison: Am I hearing the sound of a prosecutor?

Joan: Oh, no. I... sorry. I can't help myself. My dad's a cop.

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Skinny Kid God: You better prepare. This trial could get personal, Joan.

Joan: Reality check. Shouldn't God be able to remember this is a fake trial about a fairy tale?

Skinny Kid God: Symbols and metaphors can stir up a lot of passion. You know, wars have been waged over what a flag represents.

Joan: Is this about Grace? Because she doesn't even believe in the legal system.

[seeing his look]

Joan: Oh. Am I supposed to let her win to show her how important this all is?

Skinny Kid God: Would it be right to let guilty person go free?

Joan: So I should wipe her out?

[not sure what to say, God awardly turns to leave]

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Joan: When you're done inhaling the entire deli section, uh, I'm gonna need your geek services in, uh, compiling some data.

Luke Girardi: Sorry, Joan. I'm already serving as legal advisor to the defense.

Joan: You're helping Grace? What happened to "blood is thicker than water"?

Luke Girardi: Got trumped by make-out sessions in the biology closet.

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Helen Girardi: I'm back in catechism class and, uh, we're covering confession, so I-I thought I'd do a field trip.

Father Ken Mallory: Wonderful. So, uh, how long has it been?

Helen Girardi: Um... I'm not sure the exact date, but Ford had just pardoned Nixon, so I felt inspired.

Father Ken Mallory: I see. Well, welcome back. Um, why don't we skip the Reagan and the Clinton years, and we'll start with something more recent.

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Will Girardi: Pop Tarts? Not exactly brain food. Let me make you some eggs.

Joan: Oh, uh, no time. I have to be in court this afternoon. That sounds so cool, doesn't it?

Will Girardi: As long as it's not juvie.

Joan: No. Mock trial. Jack is going down.

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Will Girardi: Tough going up against the self-defense claim. The giant was chasing Jack, right?

Joan: That's Jack's story. Everyone takes his word for it because the giant is this total mean, scary ogre, but Jack stole his golden goose.

Will Girardi: Well, the family was hungry. There are mitigating circumstances.

Joan: Jack's family is starving, so he trades their only cow in for five crummy beans? Give me a break.

Will Girardi: Stupidity is not a crime.

Joan: Maybe he's not stupid. Maybe he knows those beans will take him to the giant's castle.

Will Girardi: You're arguing it was premeditated.

Joan: If he was starving, why didn't he harvest the beans? I mean, why did he have to climb that stalk instead?

Will Girardi: Textbook breaking and entering.

Joan: Exactly. He takes what he wants, kills the giant, pleads self-defense. Sweet, young Jack is a stone-cold killer.

Will Girardi: Nice job, counselor.

Joan: Thank you. You know, you can't take anything at face value. There's always something else going on.

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Joan: [learning Adam cheated on her] You knew and you didn't tell me. That's your idea of justice?

Old Lady God: I don't interfere. You know that.

Joan: Yeah, well, maybe free will wasn't such a great idea.

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Will Girardi: [seeing Carlisle eating platefuls of cake] Someone rob the Good Humor man?

Det. Carlisle: Got it from my nephew's birthday. Forgot he's lactose intolerant.

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