Sgt. Gavin Troy: Flat footed country coppers, indeed. I wish every arrest was as enjoyable as this, sir.
Tony Carter: Get a move on, Linda!
Linda Tyrell: [snaps Tony's picture] Okay, that'll do.
Tony Carter: Did you bring the strong room receipt?
Tony Carter: Okay.
Joyce Barnaby: Oh, the next painting's mine.
Colin Hawksley: By Joyce Barnaby.
Joyce Barnaby: What if no one makes a bid?
Colin Hawksley: Who'll start me on 20 pounds? 20 pounds? Come on, come on, 20 pounds. Well, 10 pounds. Come on, ladies and gentlemen.
[Barnaby raises his hand]
Colin Hawksley: Right, who'll go to 15? 15 pounds, hmm?
Godfrey Teal: One hundred pounds.
Colin Hawksley: One hundred pounds I'm bid. Well done, Major Teal. Now, who'll go to 150 pounds? Someone, surely. Come on, 150 pounds, someone.
[Barnaby reluctantly raises his hand]
Joyce Barnaby: Well, it's my first day. I'm a bit nervous.
DCI Tom Barnaby: Joyce, it's only the Causton Watercolor Society. What have you got to be nervous about?
Joyce Barnaby: Thanks.
DCI Tom Barnaby: Well, you know what I mean. Anyway, you're going to spend a lovely day in picturesque midsummer glory.
Joyce Barnaby: I suppose you're going to tell me there's been some grisly murder there.
DCI Tom Barnaby: No, I'm not. As far as I know, a Midsomer Florey is a haven of tranquility.
DCI Tom Barnaby: Major Teal, Sergeant Troy. Major Teal witnessed a bag snatching yesterday.
Sgt. Gavin Troy: Sir, I've got lots of paperwork.
DCI Tom Barnaby: Take a statement from him, please.
Sgt. Gavin Troy: But...
DCI Tom Barnaby: A detailed statement. Now, if you'll excuse me, Major Teal, I've got a business meeting to attend.
Godfrey Teal: Of course.
Godfrey Teal: Surely you're too young to be a sergeant.
DCI Tom Barnaby: No address book by the phone, no mail, no happy family snapshots.
Sgt. Gavin Troy: Just a lot of pictures.
DCI Tom Barnaby: Hmm. All exactly the same. Not very good either, are they?
Sgt. Gavin Troy: Maybe the murderer was an art lover, sir.
Sgt. Gavin Troy: In other words, you don't trust me.
DS James Noland: [scoffs] Is there any way I can put this kindly, Simon?
DC Simon Backley: No, James, there isn't.
DS James Noland: Mr. Gudgeon would not jeopardize a long and complex operation by spilling the beans to a flat footed country copper.
DC Simon Backley: Harsh, but true.
DS James Noland: So here's what I want you to do, Gavin. Keep your mouth shut and go back to chasing purse snatchers. I don't think you're cut out for the NIS.
Sgt. Gavin Troy: You're right, I'm not.
DCI Tom Barnaby: Troy, I hope you are taking Operation Pond Life seriously.
Sgt. Gavin Troy: [sighs] Sir, kids snatching handbags isn't really our job, is it?
DCI Tom Barnaby: Well, yes it is. Street crime of this kind erodes people's confidence in us, so it is important.
Sgt. Gavin Troy: Sir.