Alvin and the Chipmunks (2007)
David Cross: Ian
David Seville : Ian, they don't want this anymore. Just let them go!
Ian : But the guy just left, you should have said something about five seconds ago.
Ian : [soft voice] Come back.
David Seville : Ian, they need a real life, not all of this. Besides, they just ruined the concert. Word'll get out, and no one will come to see them!
Ian : [places hands on Dave's cheeks] Dave, they're chipmunks, who talk. People will come.
Ian : [to security guards] Guys, with me.
Ian : [singing] Whoa, whoa... that's how we roll...
Ian : Let's talk about your song, Dave.
David Seville : Well, as crazy as it sounds, the original inspiration came to me...
Ian : The song sucks, Dave.
David Seville : What?
Ian : Your song, it's awful, I hate it. Yeah, I mean, who's gonna sing it? Justin? Fergie? Not a chance. Come on, I need something new, something fresh...
David Seville : But that is new.
Ian : The next big thing. Dave, we go way back. We both come a long way since college. You, not so much. I wanted to like that song, but, you heard it... not that good. If I wasn't your friend, I'd say, "Dave, you go right back out of this office and you keep writing music, you'll get there someday." But I am your friend, so I'm going to tell you that there is no sense in writing songs that no one is ever, ever, going to sing.
David Seville : Ever?
Ian : Alright people, settle in, settle in. It is a very special night tonight. Here at Jett Records we pride ourselves in bringing you tomorrow's music today. Oh, and guess what, I did it again. Ladies and gentlemen, here to sing their new hit single, give it up for Alvin, Simon, and Theodore!
Theodore : [climbs on Ian's bed] Uncle Ian?
Ian : [wakes up with a start] What are you doing here?
Theodore : Can I sleep with you? I had a nightmare.
Ian : Oh... you had a nightmare? I had a nightmare too. In my nightmare, I had to put together 37 dates in 42 days, in 16 countries. And, I had to coordinate 121 radio and print interviews in 5 different languages.
Ian : [picks up Theodore] And you know what Theo, the only difference is, in my nightmare, when I open my eyes, it doesn't end!
Theodore : So... is that a no?
[Ian throws Theodore out the door]
Theodore : Whoa... oh... oh...
Ian : [glances outside his mansion] Hello?... Hello?
[Theodore smells Ian's foot and sneezes]
Ian : Kids.
[closes door and heads back to the stairs]
Alvin (singing voice) , Simon (singing voice) , Theodore (singing voice) : [a capella] Christmas, Christmas time is here / Time for toys and time for cheer / We can hardly stand the wait / Please Christmas, don't be late
Ian : Welcome to Jett Records.
Ian : You guys better study your French, because we're going to Partis tonight. OK?
Alvin : This is absurd. I feel like P. Diddy with fur.
Simon : And to be honest, the new songs don't really sound like us.
Ian : Well, you know what I think? I think the new direction is perfect, you know? It's all about today's edge.
Theodore : Dave always said it was all about the music.
Ian : [mocking] Dave always said it was all- You know what? Dave-Dave-Dave-Dave-Dave is not here! Okay? It's me! It's fun Uncle Ian! All right? Okay?
Ian : Hey, what do you think of this?
[shows Alvin doll to Dave]
David Seville : What is it?
Ian : It's Alvin.
David Seville : That looks nothing like Alvin.
Ian : Well, yeah. It's a prototype. We'll sell a million of those things. It's voice-activated. Here. Say something to it.
David Seville : [grabs Alvin doll] Hello, ugly little Alvin doll that looks nothing like Alvin.
[doll speaks Japanese]
Ian : See? You love it. It's Spanish.
David Seville : You know what? That's just weird.
Ian : [last lines as he's trying to get squirrels to sing] Okay, guys. Come on. Let's try it again. Here we go and sing. Come on. Sing for your Uncle Ian. Come on, sing. Why won't you sing? I said sing. Sing
[stops playing the piano and leaned his head against the keys]