Alvin and the Chipmunks (2007)
Matthew Gray Gubler: Simon
[upon coming home to his house being a mess]
David Seville : Oh my god, Theodore, did you just-?
Theodore : [nervously] Umm, Umm.
Simon : [picks up a small pellet shaped this in front of Theodore] It's a raisin, Dave.
David Seville : Prove it.
Simon : [puts it in his mouth] Mmm-Mmm.
David Seville : Okay, you got me. Look, I wanna talk to all you guys. Where's Alvin?
David Seville : [heads off toward the kitchen] Alvin!
Simon : [quickly spits it out and looks sternly at Theodore] You owe me big-time!
David Seville : Chipmunks can't talk either.
Simon : Well, our lips are moving and words are coming out.
David Seville : This is not happening. I'm not talking to chipmunks, I'm not talking to chipmunks.
Alvin : So, how's that going for you, Dave?
David Seville : Uhh - uhh, how'd you know my name?
Alvin : Oh, that one? We read your mail by accident.
Simon : You really oughta pay that utility bill, Dave. Ever heard of a credit rating?
Theodore : [turns on the food processor] What's this thing?
David Seville : Hey, hey... hey, hey, turn that off!
Alvin : [turns off the food processor] Sorry.
Simon : [rubs Theodore's head] He fell out of the tree at birth.
David Seville : C-Can all animals talk?
Simon : Well, fish do have this type of sign language.
Alvin : Hey Dave, do all humans have houses that smell like sweatsocks?
Alvin : [singing while squirting soap out of the soap dispenser] Dave likes to wear, dirty underwear, with little hairs...
Simon : We're getting off on the wrong foot. Allow us to introduce ourselves. Hello, I'm Simon, the smart one. He's Alvin...
Alvin : The awesomest one...
Theodore : And I'm Theodore.
David Seville : Oh, that's nice to meet you. Now get out of my house.
Theodore : But... we talk.
David Seville : Which only makes me want you out of my house that much more. It's creepy, unnatural, somewhat evil.
Alvin : I kind of liked him better when he was unconscious.
David Seville : [places a mixing bowl over the chipmunks] Gotcha!
Alvin : Hey!
David Seville : Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
David Seville : Alright, here's the deal; you guys sing my songs, you get to sleep here.
Alvin : [thinks about it] No. Wait! Is breakfast included?
David Seville : [thinks about it] I can live with that.
Simon : What about TV privileges?
David Seville : [thinks about it] Okay, but not after seven.
Theodore : Eight.
David Seville : Done. Don't tell you're animal friends, cause I don't wanna come home and find a bunch of rabbits and skunks on my couch.
Simon : Filthy creatures, Dave. Never associate with them.
Theodore : Yeah, you're our only friend.
David Seville : No, no, no, no, let's not get ahead of ourselves here. Let's just start with me being your songwriter.
Alvin : Um, let me ask you, have you ever written a song before?
David Seville : Yup.
Alvin : And... is that your music stuff outside?
David Seville : Yup.
[thunder claps reminding Dave that his songwriting equipment is soaked in the rain]
David Seville : Oh no!
Alvin : Hurry back.
Alvin (singing voice) , Simon (singing voice) , Theodore (singing voice) : [a capella] Where is the moment we needed the most/You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost/They tell me your blue skies fade to gray/They tell me your passion's gone away/And I don't need no carryin' on/Cause you had a bad day/You're taking one down/You sing a sad song just to turn it around/You say you don't know/You tell me don't lie/You work at a smile and you go for a ride/You had a bad day/You've seen what you like/And how does it feel for one more time/You had a bad day/You had a bad day/
Alvin : [pushing the last of the acorns into the tree] It's going, It's going.
[gets sucked in and falls out with all of the acorns]
Simon : And it's gone.
Alvin : [from inside the tree] Whatever!
Theodore : Maybe we should take a break.
[an acorn hits him on the head]
Theodore : Ouch!
Alvin : That's it! I can't take this anymore! I can't! I give up! I'm sick of struggling for survival! Competing with gophers and earthworms, and that loser sparrow who always takes my nuts! And I'm especially sick of this stupid, stupid... *tree!*
[the sound of a buzzsaw is heard, and the tree shakes]
Simon : Whoa! What's happening?
Theodore : Guys! I think he made it angry!
Simon : [after knocking out Dave] Hmm. He's been out for quite a while.
Theodore : [gasps] You guys, he's dead!
Alvin : Don't panic! Wipe everything down! I'll need three garbage bags, a shovel, some disinfectant, some latex gloves, and oregano. Go!
Simon : Hang on, Sherlock. He's coming too.
David Seville : I must be hearing things.
David Seville : Oh, this is trippy.
Theodore : Sir, are you alright?
Theodore : [munching on some cereal] This is the greatest day of my life!
Alvin : Eureka! I found the cheese balls!
[Alvin pours out the cheese balls and Simon catches them with a bowl]
Simon : Ughh! Alvin, what are you doing? Don't make a mess!
Alvin : Cannonball!
[jumps into the bowl of cheese balls]
David Seville : [picks up a stack of toster waffles from the under the kitchen rug]
Simon : We put a few toaster waffles aside for winter
Alvin : And we're not sharing!
David Seville : Guys, we're gonna have food all winter so if you start storing it, it's gonna get gross and we're gonna have rodent -...
David Seville : Bad you know... non-talking rodents around here
Alvin : [tries to open a bottle of champange] Stupid cork! Doesn't - Whoa!
[Cork flies into a glass door cabinet breaking it along with some of the glasses in it]
Alvin : Yikes, Ha-ha! Oops!
David Seville : Not gonna say it.
Alvin : Uh-oh!
Simon : Good grief.
[Champagne spills all over the floor creating a large puddle]
Claire : Are you still not gonna say it?
David Seville : [tries very hard not to] Nope!
[Champagne puddle becomes a flood that hits a plug outlet, causing a blackout in Dave's house]
David Seville : I'm gonna say it. AAAAAALLLLLLVVVVVVIIIIIINNNNNN!
Alvin : OKAY!
David Seville : Uh, guys, what's this about?
[holds up one of his presentation boards in front of Simon and Theodore]
Simon : Obviously, Theodore's butt.
Theodore : We told you we colored.
David Seville : On my presentation boards? You got me fired.
Theodore : [Dave grabs the remote] We didn't know.
Theodore : [Dave turns off the TV] We're sorry, Dave.
David Seville : Oh, you're sorry? That's fantastic!
Theodore : But...
David Seville : Sorry doesn't get my job back now, does it, Theodore?
Theodore : Who's Claire?
Simon : Claire is Dave's mate. Ooh-la-la.
David Seville : She's not my mate. She's my ex-mate.
David Seville : [frantically tries to clean the house] This is great.
Simon : Dave, slow down. You just go get the food. We'll take care of the rest, all right?
David Seville : Oh, why am I having a hard time believing you?
Alvin : That hurts, Dave. That really hurts.
Simon : Yeah, we're all in this together, Dave.
Theodore : Like a family.
David Seville : No, not like a family!
Alvin : Tick-tock, Dave. Better bust-a-move!
David Seville : Right.
[Theodore giggles and Dave points at him]
[Dave opens window]
Alvin : Uh, were we disturbing you?
David Seville : Y-you guys can sing too?
Alvin : That's not singing, this is singing.
David Seville : This is amazing. Here, everyone inside.
[the three chipmunks jump onto the trash can one by one]
Simon : [almost slips] Whoopsie.
[Dave helps Simon up]
Simon : Thank you.
Alvin : This is absurd. I feel like P. Diddy with fur.
Simon : And to be honest, the new songs don't really sound like us.
Ian : Well, you know what I think? I think the new direction is perfect, you know? It's all about today's edge.
Theodore : Dave always said it was all about the music.
Ian : [mocking] Dave always said it was all- You know what? Dave-Dave-Dave-Dave-Dave is not here! Okay? It's me! It's fun Uncle Ian! All right? Okay?
David Seville : What was that?
Simon : Nothing. Nothing. Just a little stage fright.
Theodore : I thought my heart was gonna to explode.
Alvin : We're not performing monkeys, Dave. Why do we have to sing for that guy, anyway?
David Seville : Well, how this? Pretend I need the money and I hate my job and you're staying at my place, so you owe me.
Theodore : We're sorry, Dave.
David Seville : Yeah. That helps.
David Seville : Never mind. I'm late for work.
Theodore : Ooh, ooh, ooh!
Theodore : Can we go with you?
David Seville : What, so you can mess that up, too? Uh-uh. You're going home.
Alvin : [nudges Theodore back into the seat] Can I stand at your lap and steer?
Theodore : Ooh! Can we at least beep the... horn? Never mind.
David Seville : [looks at his shopping cart filled with boxes of waffles] Guys, what's all this?
David Seville : You know, I can't afford all these toaster waffles.
Alvin : What?
David Seville : Well, in case you didn't notice, I don't have a job anym-
[hears the Christmas song playing over P.A. system]
David Seville : My song.
Alvin : All right.
Simon : Yeah!
David Seville : [on the phone] Hi, Mom.
Simon : A little situation, Dave. Theodore vacuumed up Alvin.
Theodore : Alvin!
Alvin : Dave, help!
David Seville : What?
Simon : Well, at least it wasn't the garbage disposal.
Theodore : Just stay calm.
[he gets sucked in the vacuum screaming]
Simon : And there goes Theodore.
David Seville : Look I-I can't do this right now, okay?
Simon : I absolutely understand, but, sorry, Dave? Quick question.
[looks at kitchen sink already filled up with water]
Simon : How do you feel about an indoor pool?
David Seville : Look, if you flood my house, you're dead, out on the street. Capisce?
[hangs up phone]
David Seville : Mothers.
David Seville : It's hard, I know, three months ago you were wandering around in a tree somewhere and, now you're...
Alvin : [sucks air from a balloon and speaks in a low voice] major rockstars!
David Seville : Okay, whatever. Well, my point is, just because you're...
Alvin : [low voice] major rockstars!
David Seville : [releases balloon from Alvin's hand and sits down again] ... doesn't mean that you can have or do whatever you want!
Simon : Well, Uncle Ian said that we should always be happy.
David Seville : Okay, you know what? He's not your uncle!
[pulls the balloons down from the ceiling fan]
Alvin : He also, David, said that we should be making 20 dollars a day.
David Seville : Well, guess what? You're making way more than that. And because I care, I'm putting it all away for you, just like storing nuts for the winter.
Alvin : Ah, winter's for losers!
Simon : Yeah. And shouldn't we be having our say on how to build our investment portfolio?
David Seville : Where is all this coming from? You guys are just kids.
Alvin : Kids, Dave... or rats?
David Seville : What?
Theodore : Well, Uncle Ian said that we're like his family.
David Seville : Oh yeah? Well, if you love Uncle Ian so much and don't think I'm watching out for you, why don't you go live with Uncle Ian?