Last Vegas (2013) Poster


Kevin Kline: Sam Harris



  • Sam : The thing is... It's crazy, but whenever something spectacular happens to me, the first thing I want to do is tell my wife about it. And, after 40 years of marriage, if I can't tell her about something wonderful that happened to me, it sort of stops being wonderful.

  • Hot Waitress : Do you guys have drugs?

    Sam : Does Lipitor count?

  • Billy : I'm getting married.

    Archie : What?

    Sam : Wow!

    Archie : To that young lady who's half your age?

    Billy : She's almost 32.

    Archie : Billy, I have a hemorrhoid that's almost 32!

    Billy : Look, Archie, by the time she's my age, okay, I'll be...

    Archie : Dead. You'll be dead, Billy.

  • Diana : That's a generous offer. Are you good in bed, Sam?

    Sam : I don't remember.

  • Billy : Why every time the phone rings you think somebody is dying.

    Sam : I live in Florida now, usually when the phone rings somebody IS dying.

  • [Dean has been led to believe the Flatbush Four are mafioso] 

    Dean : I'm very sorry, sir.

    Paddy : Shut up, Dickhead! You think we give a shit about your sorries! Don't you know you're messing with Billy Bones, Archie Aces, Sammy the... the...

    Sam : the Accountant!

    Paddy : Yeah.

    Sam : Sammy the Stove! They call me that because I *cook the books*!

  • Dean : Please, sirs. How can I make it up to you?

    Paddy : Alright! Just get us some ice waters. Maybe later we'll find you other stuff to do.

    Sam : Yeah, maybe later Knuckles here will let you wash his balls!

    Sam : [beat]  Oooh. Sorry. That sounded weird, didn't it?

    Dean : Four Ice Waters?

    Paddy : [Paddy glares]  GO!

    Dean : Right away, sir.

  • Sam : [upon seeing Billy]  Where did you get the extra hair?

    Archie : His ass.

  • [Archie just gave Dean a very generous tip] 

    Dean : Thank you so much, Mr. Aces.

    Sam : [to Dean]  You breathe a WORD about us to the Feds, we will *hunt you down*!

    [Archie nods, Paddy shakes a fist] 

    Dean : [scared]  Your secret's safe with me Mr. Accountant.

  • Paddy : Prick!

    Sam : Asshole.

  • Sam : Nap time.

  • Sam : When you're from Brooklyn, getting involved isn't an option.

  • Sam : I live in Florida now. Usually when the phone rings, somebody is dying.

  • Sam : We have a problem. The rooms aren't gonna be ready for another year and a half. They're still remodeling. Archibald, did this topic come up when you made the reservation?

    Archie : No, because you insisted on making the reservations.

    Sam : I insisted, but then you insisted. And it is the second insister...

    Archie : Sam.

    Sam : That supersedes the...

    Archie : Sam. I offered, you insisted.

  • Sam : [after turning down a prostitute because he couldn't share the memory with his wife]  You know, a blow job wouldn't be out of the question.

  • Sam : Paddy, you have got to come with us to Las Vegas!

    Paddy : If you think I'm leavin' the apaartment, you're dumber than that hat.

  • Sam : [to an elderly woman next to him in the senior pool]  Lookin' good,, Gloria. Oh, sorry - did I just step on your foot, or was that your breast?

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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