Marvin Boggs: I never thought I'd say this again. *I am getting the pig*!
Frank Moses: [while grappling with Cooper] Kordesky trained you?
William Cooper: Yeah.
Frank Moses: I trained Kordesky.
[dislocates Cooper's shoulder]
Sarah Ross: [talking quietly about Marvin] Wow. This guy's insane.
Frank Moses: Well, he thought he was the subject of a secret government mind control project.
Marvin Boggs: [in another room, checking files] This'll take a minute.
Sarah Ross: Sure.
Frank Moses: As it turns out... he really was being given daily doses of LSD for 11 years.
Sarah Ross: Well, in that case, he looks great.
Frank Moses: Fantastic.
Sarah Ross: Yeah...
Victoria: You know, I was in love with an agent once.
Sarah Ross: What happened?
Victoria: Well, I was with MI6. And the relationship wasn't... sanctioned. So when it came to light, my loyalty was questioned. And I was ordered to kill him. It was a test.
Sarah Ross: What did you do?
Victoria: I put three bullets in his chest.
Frank Moses: [Marvin has just shot a bad guy] Feel better now?
Marvin Boggs: Yeah. Wanna get pancakes?
Sarah Ross: Get back. Go away. Stay away from me! Is that my bag?
Frank Moses: Yeah.
Sarah Ross: You-You packed it?
Frank Moses: Yes.
Sarah Ross: [looks around] D-d-did you vacuum?
Frank Moses: A little yeah, it was messy.
Ivan Simanov: Still... I owe you... for killing Igor.
Frank Moses: Igor the Butcher.
Ivan Simanov: He was a great asset.
Frank Moses: He was a pig.
Ivan Simanov: He was my cousin.
Frank Moses: I'm sorry.
Ivan Simanov: [raises his glass] To Igor.
[clinks glasses with Frank]
Ivan Simanov: The Butcher.
Frank Moses: [raises his own] He's not dead.
[Ivan chokes on his vodka]
Frank Moses: I flipped him.
Ivan Simanov: ...No.
Frank Moses: He owns a string of 7-11s in Orange County.
Ivan Simanov: What?
Frank Moses: He weighs 500 pounds.
[They laugh hysterically]
Marvin Boggs: Do you know what's wrong with this country?
Sarah Ross: They're all trying to kill us?
Marvin Boggs: Exactly!
Marvin Boggs: Why are you trying to kill me?
Frank Moses: I'm not trying to kill you!
Marvin Boggs: Oh, yeah. You are.
Frank Moses: Why would I be trying to kill you?
Marvin Boggs: Because the last time we met, I tried to kill you.
Frank Moses: That was a long time ago.
Marvin Boggs: Some people hold on to things like that.
Frank Moses: [to Marvin] Pig! Open the pig!
[Marvin unzips the pig and Frank pulls out a grenade launcher]
Cynthia Wilkes: You just had your ass handed to you by a goddamned retiree.
Ivan Simanov: [shows Frank his bullet wounds] This was done to me by the love of my life. It seems that what we had was not meant to be. But now she sits outside my house drinking vodka. Three bullets in the chest. When I woke alive, I knew she still loved me. Or else it would have been head. It was big risk for her, of course, but one does crazy things for love.
Henry, The Records Keeper: Frank Moses was one of the most effective black op agents we've ever had. He retired drug-lords, terrorists. Hell, he toppled governments. Yeah. He was truly gifted.
William Cooper: Why was he retired?
Henry, The Records Keeper: He got old. Then some thumb-sucker came along and tagged him "RED."
William Cooper: Red?
Henry, The Records Keeper: Yeah. RED. R-E-D, "Retired: Extremely Dangerous."
Frank Moses: I was just hoping you'd be a little more understanding of the situation.
Sarah Ross: I-I was hoping not to get kidnapped. Or drugged. I was hoping you'd have hair. So it looks like none of our dreams are coming true, at the moment.
Sarah Ross: What do you suppose the-the punishment is for what we're doing here?
Frank Moses: Death... Maybe life in prison.
Sarah Ross: Awesome.
Ivan Simanov: [sighs] I miss the old days. I haven't killed anyone in years.
Frank Moses: That's sad.
Frank Moses: [Brings out a gas torch] Where'd you get this?
Marvin Boggs: Home Depot.
Frank Moses: How much?
Marvin Boggs: [shrugs] Ten bucks.
Joe Matheson: Sarah, this is Victoria. Best wet work asset in the business. And a true artist with an an RPN.
Sarah Ross: What? What's that?
Victoria: [smiling] I kill people, dear.
[Frank and Marvin are being chased by the Moldovan Ground Forces with Marvin wearing a dress and sitting in a wheelbarrow that is being pushed by Frank]
Marvin Boggs: I told you something bad was gonna happen.
Frank Moses: [annoyed] Keep your dress on!
Marvin Boggs: Moldova sucks.
Frank Moses: [over his shoulder] Moldova sucks!
Marvin Boggs: Next time, your girlfriend can wear the dress.
Victoria: Oh, Francis, you're such a romantic.
Frank Moses: What?
Victoria: A romantic. It's why I've always been so fond of you.
Frank Moses: Victoria...
Victoria: You're all hard on the outside, but you are... You are gooey on the inside... Gooey.
Frank Moses: Watch your back, too.
Joe Matheson: I'm 80 years old. I got stage 4 liver cancer. What the hell can they do to me?
Frank Moses: They can still shoot you.
Joe Matheson: Well... I never thought this would happen to me.
Frank Moses: What?
Joe Matheson: Getting old. Well I mean... Vietnam, Afghanistan... Green Spring Rest Home?
[Victoria is providing cover with a sniper rifle with Sarah]
Sarah Ross: Frank said you wanted me with you.
Victoria: Yes, I thought it might be nice to have a bit of girl time together. You know, get to know each other. And I-I just wanted to tell you that in all the years I've known Francis... I've never seen him like this.
Victoria: So if you break his heart, I will kill you. And bury your body in the woods.
Sarah Ross: Wow... Okay.
Cynthia Wilkes: [in the meeting spot] Cooper... This is gonna happen either way.
William Cooper: Fuck you, Cynthia.
[turns his gun on her and kills her]
[preparing to torture Dunning]
Marvin Boggs: You want nuts? Nipples?
[holds up pliers, vise-grips]
Marvin Boggs: Potty trainer?
[and an auger spike]
Frank Moses: People get shot all the time.
Sarah Ross: No, they don't. They get... paper cuts.
Marvin Boggs: I mostly get shot.
Sarah Ross: The General has dropped his contact lens. Perhaps you'd like to help us?
Alexander Dunning: Are you gonna let me talk to them? I can negotiate something.
Marvin Boggs: Thanks, when we want your help, we'll get out the drain cleaner.
Alexander Dunning: Listen, Plastic Man, those bastards out there probably have orders to kill me, too.
Joe Matheson: I hope so.
Alexander Dunning: Why? 'Cause I'm the bad guy? I'm scum?
Marvin Boggs: Can I just shoot him now?
Alexander Dunning: No. You don't have people killed. I have people killed, I'm the bad guy. Remember?
Joe Matheson: [knocks out Dunning with a punch to the jaw. shrugs] Not worth a bullet.
William Cooper: [at the "back room", secret records location] I didn't even know this place existed.
Henry, The Records Keeper: It doesn't.
Ivan Simanov: [Riding in the car after everything is over. To Moses] You still owe me a small favor.
Victoria: [Getting pissed off at Ivan] Oh Ivan!
[turns to the others]
Victoria: His timing is terrible.
Ivan Simanov: Just a tiny little nuclear problem in Moldova.
Marvin Boggs: Frank, we gotta get rid of this broad. I know a great place, just up the road. Lots of alligators.
Frank Moses: We're not getting rid of the broad. I like her. Okay?
Marvin Boggs: Well, wait? What's the angle?
Frank Moses: No angle. I like her.
Marvin Boggs: Ok. So... they pull her voice from the pay phone, probably right now, install the recognition software and backtrace it to Singer. So, then we show up, they bring out the satellite, and we're fried with Y-rays.
Frank Moses: [on the phone] Did you start that new book?
Sarah Ross: I did.
Sarah Ross: And? What's it called?
Sarah Ross: Uh, it's called Love's Savage Secret.
Frank Moses: Nice. Is it any good?
Sarah Ross: It's terrible. I love it. It's awful.
Sarah Ross: [drugged and almost kidnapped] Am I gonna die?
Frank Moses: No. You just need some sleep.
Sarah Ross: I may vomit.
Sarah Ross: Wow, this is just like "Love's Savage Secret".
Hanged Man: [perched on a chair with a noose around his neck] Listen. I can make you rich. Don't you know who I am?
William Cooper: Of course, I do.
[kicks the chair away]
Frank Moses: How'd you do it?
Frank Moses: How'd you make the transition? Here you seem so calm. At ease.
Victoria: I love it. I love it here. I love the baking. I love the flower arranging. I like... I like the routine.
[Frank gives her a look]
Victoria: Well, I... I do get a bit restless sometimes.
Frank Moses: Mm-hmm.
Victoria: I take the odd contract on the side. I-I just can't stop.
Victoria: Tell Marvin to stand down before he gets hurt.
[Steps away from the window, revealing Marvin's head and a sniper rifle peering in from a bush outside]
Sarah Ross: [having just been told of a little problem in Moldova] Can we go?
Frank Moses: [laughs] Yes. We can go.
Ivan Simanov: But, I think you are not here for the vodka.
[Frank calls Cooper on the phone; Cooper is told to stall him while the call is traced]
Frank Moses: Here's the thing, Cooper. With age... comes a certain perspective. I'd be a liar if I said there wasn't a time when I was exactly like you. Blind ambition. Misplaced trust.
William Cooper: Why are you telling me this?
Frank Moses: It may help me to decide what to do next.
Interrogation Surveillance Tech: [technician tracing the call whispering to Cooper] Just keep it going.
William Cooper: Why? What are you thinking about?
Frank Moses: Our business is a very hard one. But it was never the, uh... the killing or the stress, the bad pay that bothered me.
William Cooper: Well, what was it, Frank?
Frank Moses: It's how anything that you love... can be taken away from you. It taught me never to care. Never to invest. Then I met this woman. Sarah. And now you have her. Now I can't think of anything more horrible than to know that your enemies can hurt someone you love. The feeling is almost indescribable.
[the trace completes, and the technician hands Cooper a printout]
Frank Moses: You still there, Cooper?
William Cooper: [horrified] You're at my house
[Frank looks out the window into the yard where Cooper's wife and two children, unaware, are playing]
Frank Moses: Almost indescribable, isn't it?
William Cooper: [whispering] Please... Please don't hurt my family.
Frank Moses: If anything happens to Sarah, I will rip everything you love out of your life. And then I'll kill you.
Gabriel Singer: I got one for you. What did this twice-decorated, West Texas Jew-boy Marine pilot say to the Chinese New York Times reporter?
Frank Moses: I give up.
Gabriel Singer: Nothing. I didn't tell her a damn thing.
Frank Moses: The reporter's dead now. And everyone she spoke to is either dead or a target. That includes you.
Henry, The Records Keeper: Oh, I should tell you, there's a new guy came down here yesterday looking for your file. Name of, um, William Cooper?
Frank Moses: Six one? Cute hair?
Henry, The Records Keeper: Hair was cute.
Frank Moses: [on the phone] 943-66-2291. Pension Services, please.
Woman: Thank you, Mr. Moses, please hold for your representative.
Marvin Boggs: Frank, how many times have I told you? You cannot trust the system! I told you when you're in the system, they switch the flip and you're done. Man, satellites, cell phones, chips, net, the web, the dentist.
Frank Moses: We don't have much time. Do you understand that?
William Cooper: What are you gonna do, Frank?
Frank Moses: I'm gonna kill the Vice President. What are you gonna do?
Ivan Simanov: [pours a second round] Drink.
Frank Moses: Who are we drinking to now?
Ivan Simanov: Veronique. She... was mine.
Frank Moses: ...Impossible.
Ivan Simanov: [laughing] Yes!
[they clink glasses]
Frank Moses: [smiles ruefully] Whatever she got, it was worth it.
[after Business woman just misses with an Rocket Propelled Grenade]
Frank Moses: What are you doing?
[Marvin steps out from behind the shipping container as Business Woman is relaoding RPG, waits for he to finish and fire before shooting it as it launches and blows her up]
Marvin Boggs: Old man, my ass.
[When a helicopter hovers outside the window, Marvin insists that he recognizes it. As he and Frank argue over the tail numbers, Gabriel impatiently goes to the window]
Gabriel Singer: I'll tell you what that is...
[a bullet hits him in the chest. More follow, and Frank and Marvin dive to the floor, Frank pulling Sarah down with him]
Marvin Boggs: I told you she shouldn't have made that phone call!
Frank Moses: Don't get me wrong, I know it's crazy. Don't think that, I don't think that this crazy. And it couldn't be more different than how I'd hoped to meet you for the first time.
[the camera pans to the rear-view mirror which reveals that Frank has had to gag Sarah by duct taping her mouth shut as while he may like her, her protests are preventing him from helping her]
Frank Moses: But you know sometimes things happen. And I just hope that one day, you and I will be sitting somewhere comfortably and look back on this as the great big adventure that it is.
Frank Moses: [Still furious, Sarah rants and raves but her shouting at Frank is muffled by her gag] I'm a little hungry too, what should we get?
Sarah Ross: [Sarah calms down after her rant. While she remains gagged in the back of the car, she accepts her current situation and lets out a muffled but understandable response] Pizza
Sarah Ross: [Frank and Sarah arrive at the motel. Once Frank has finished tying Sarah to the bed, he removes the duct tape from her mouth] If you, if you let me go now, I won't press charges, there's no hard feelings
Frank Moses: What claim?
Sarah Ross: How do I always attract losers like you?
Frank Moses: I was in the CIA
Sarah Ross: Yeah, I bet you were. I bet you're a spy
Frank Moses: I have to go and see someone now
Sarah Ross: You're just gonna make me sit here? What, this...
Frank Moses: You couldn't be safer, no-one knows where you are
[Frank grabs a roll of duct tape and tears a strip off]
Sarah Ross: Oh no! You don't, don't do it, you don't! Please, I-I, I don't want it
Frank Moses: Just stay still, sorry
[Sarah squirms for a while before sitting still and allowing Frank to duct tape her mouth shut and gag her again]
Frank Moses: Your eyes are so beautiful