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A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All! (2008) Poster

Quotes

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Elvis Costello: Thank you Father Christmas. You got me just what I wanted most: the gift of not being digested by a bear.

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[repeated line]

Stephen Colbert: Oh, look. We're under the mistletoe. Well, this is awkward.

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Stephen Colbert: [Elvis Costello is being attacked by a bear] Wait. Feist, you're an angel! Do something!

Feist: I have no power over bears! They're godless killing machines!

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Stephen Colbert: I'm so excited right now, I'm sporting a yule log.

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Stephen Colbert: I love "White Christmas" and "Silver Bells" and "Puff the Magic Dragon", but I found out when you sing those old holiday standards, someone else gets the royalty check. That doesn't sound like Christmas to me.

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Stephen Colbert: Say something a bear would never say!

Toby Keith: [behind cabin door] I hate honey!

Stephen Colbert: [to self] OK, it checks out.

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Stephen Colbert: What are you doing in my nativity scene?

Willie Nelson: Stephen, right now I'm so high *you're* hallucinating.

Stephen Colbert: [lifts up his right hand; it appears to be a deer hoof] Whoa.

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Jon Stewart: I just heard on the radio - the Jonas Brothers have fallen through the ice.

Stephen Colbert: [dramatically] And?

Jon Stewart: [grins] They will be missed.

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Jon Stewart: [singing] We have latkas...

Stephen Colbert: What are they?

Jon Stewart: [singing] ... potato pancakes. We have dreidels...

Stephen Colbert: What are they?

Jon Stewart: [singing] ... wooden tops. We have candles...

Stephen Colbert: What are they?

Jon Stewart: [yelling] They are *candles*!

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Stephen Colbert: [holding a replica lightsaber] If this can handle an aqua-lish at the Mos Eisley spaceport, I'd say it can handle a grizz.

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[Stephen's fireplace is actually a television image]

Stephen Colbert: Listen, you must be cold. Why don't you warm yourself up by the fire and I'll get us some eggnog.

John Legend: Sounds good. You mind if I take the mute off?

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[Elvis Costello materializes outside the cabin]

Elvis Costello: What?

Stephen Colbert: Elvis!

Elvis Costello: Stephen! How did I get to your mountain cabin?

Stephen Colbert: It's a Christmas miracle! Oh, nothing can stop my Christmas special now!

[Elvis is immediately attacked by the bear]

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Elvis Costello: Thank you, Father Christmas. You got me just what I wanted most: the gift of not being digested by a bear.

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[Last lines; as the end credits are rolling]

Elvis Costello: [interrupting] Wait!

[singing]

Elvis Costello: Jingle Man, Christmas Boy, fighting crime with *toys*!

Stephen Colbert: That's it! I'm gonna put on a pot of coffee, Elvis. We got a Christmas special to write!

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Stephen Colbert: There's enough rum in here to blind a pirate.

[referring to the eggnog]

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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