Teddy Duncan: Hey Charlie, check this out. Here's something nobody has ever seen before. Gabe is brushing his hair.
Gabe Duncan: Do you have to videotape everything we do? This isn't a reality show!
Teddy Duncan: Oh, I know it's not reality because he took a shower without being asked!
Teddy Duncan: You know what I think? I think you like someone.
Gabe Duncan: So what if I do? It's no big deal.
Teddy Duncan: What, are you kidding? Your first crush is a huge deal.
Gabe Duncan: Look, she's a girl, I'm a guy. These things happen every day.
Teddy Duncan: Not to you.
Gabe Duncan: [Giddy] I know! Can you believe it?
Amy Duncan: PJ, honey? Can you watch Charlie after school? I have to work.
PJ Duncan: I can't. I'm working, too. I can take Charlie with me if you want.
PJ Duncan: You wanna help your big brother deliver chicken?
Amy Duncan: Or you can come to the hospital and help mommy change bedpans.
[pause, then to PJ]
Amy Duncan: You take her.
Bob Duncan: Gabe, you wearing aftershave?
Gabe Duncan: A little.
Bob Duncan: Why would you do that? You're not shaving yet.
Gabe Duncan: So long as we're being logical, why do you still have a comb?
Mrs. Estelle Dabney: I'm going out of town for a couple of days and I was wondering if you'd be kind enough to look after my cat, Kaboodle.
Teddy Duncan: Oh... I don't know. I'm awfully busy.
Mrs. Estelle Dabney: I'll pay you $20 a day.
Teddy Duncan: Oh, my schedule just opened up.
Mrs. Estelle Dabney: I can trust you, right?
Teddy Duncan: Of course.
Mrs. Estelle Dabney: You do seem to be the least disturbed of all the Duncan kids.
Teddy Duncan: What an almost sweet thing to say.
Mrs. Estelle Dabney: You need to know that Kaboodle is the most important thing in the world to me.
Teddy Duncan: How's Mr Dabney doing?
Mrs. Estelle Dabney: Like I said, love that Kaboodle.
Angie: Who's this little cutie-pie?
PJ Duncan: [Snorts] I'm PJ!
Angie: [about Charlie] I meant the other cutie-pie.
Mrs. Estelle Dabney: Virginia brings her cat Stanley over. What a ridiculous name for a cat.
Teddy Duncan: Kaboodle!
Mrs. Estelle Dabney: Stanley!
Mrs. Estelle Dabney: But so my little Kaboodie won't make a scene, you need to distract him.
Teddy Duncan: [In baby voice to Kaboodle] Should I pretend to be a mouse?
Mrs. Estelle Dabney: Yes.
Teddy Duncan: I was joking.
Mrs. Estelle Dabney: I wasn't.
Amy Duncan: [Sees Teddy imitating a mouse to Kaboodle] Teddy, honey, did you lose something?
Teddy Duncan: Only my dignity.
Gabe Duncan: Mom, can you help me with something?
Amy Duncan: Sure, honey. What can I do for you?
Gabe Duncan: Well, I have this friend and he needs to know how to talk to girls.
Amy Duncan: Does this friend have a name?
Gabe Duncan: No-ooooorman.
Amy Duncan: Noooooorman? That's an odd name.
Gabe Duncan: Well, I think he's from Nooooooorway.
Amy Duncan: I remember my first crush.
Gabe Duncan: Was it dad?
Amy Duncan: [Sarcastically] Sure, why not?
Gabe Duncan: So, just ask her stuff and listen to the answer? That sounds easy!
Amy Duncan: Sure! Relationships are a piece of cake. That's why married people are always so happy.
Gabe Duncan: Did dad ever get nervous talking to you?
Amy Duncan: When your dad and I started dating, we didn't do a lot of talking. Mostly we just...
Gabe Duncan: Just what?
Amy Duncan: [pause] Played checkers. Lots and lots of checkers.
PJ Duncan: Hey dad.
Bob Duncan: Hey.
PJ Duncan: Uh, you're taking care of Charlie tomorrow afternoon, right?
Bob Duncan: I believe I am.
PJ Duncan: You know, I was thinking maybe she can come to work with me.
Bob Duncan: Why?
PJ Duncan: Because I... feel like I didn't do enough when Teddy and Gabe were babies.
Bob Duncan: Enough? You didn't do anything!
PJ Duncan: I know. And it haunts me.
Gabe Duncan: [Feeling nervous] Tell me about yourself.
Gabe Duncan: I mean, only if you want to.
Kit: OK. What do you want to know?
Gabe Duncan: Erm, tell me about your family.
Kit: My family. Well, actually, there's not much to tell. I'm an only child.
Gabe Duncan: Me too.
Gabe Duncan: What else?
Kit: Well, my parents are divorced...
Gabe Duncan: [pause] Mine, too.
Kit: Who do you live with?
Gabe Duncan: Who do *you* live with?
Kit: My mom.
Gabe Duncan: Me too!
Kit: Wow! We really have a lot in common.
Gabe Duncan: You know, I had a feeling we might. You want half a peanut butter sandwich?
Kit: No, thanks. I'm allergic to peanuts.
Gabe Duncan: [Throws his sandwich away] Me too.
Teddy Duncan: Mrs. Dabney, why are you back here?
Virginia Dabney: Oh, I'm not Estelle. I'm her sister, Virginia.
Teddy Duncan: Wow! You really look like Mrs. Dabney.
Virginia Dabney: Except for my laugh lines. Estelle doesn't have any of those!
Virginia Dabney: Oh, you look like a nice little boy. Would you like some candy?
Gabe Duncan: Only if you eat one first.
Virginia Dabney: You're as cute as the dickies!
Teddy Duncan: OK, this is dang freaky!
Teddy Duncan: [about Kaboodle] Do you think he's sick?
Virginia Dabney: You'd better hope not. I'd hate to be in your shoes if something happened to my sister's baby.
Teddy Duncan: What, y... it's not my fault. She'd understand that, right?
Virginia Dabney: [Sarcastically] Oh, yeah. She's very understanding.
Teddy Duncan: Come on, Kaboodle. Perk up.
Virginia Dabney: This does not look good.
Teddy Duncan: Oh, I know what'll cheer you up! Mr. Mouse, right?
Virginia Dabney: This does not look good either.
Teddy Duncan: You know, I didn't know veterinarians made house calls.
Dr. Tish Tushy: Oh, they don't. I'm a therapist.
Teddy Duncan: Uh, a therapist for cats?
Dr. Tish Tushy: And birds. But never at the same time. You only make that mistake once.
Teddy Duncan: So... w-what's wrong with Kaboodle?
Dr. Tish Tushy: Well, his aura is off, his chakras are out of line... how's his poop?
Teddy Duncan: Fine. How's... yours?
Dr. Tish Tushy: Well, that's a little personal! But since you asked, super good and getting better!
Teddy Duncan: Maybe we should get back to the cat, Dr. Tushy.
Dr. Tish Tushy: It's Tuh-shy.
Teddy Duncan: Tushy.
Dr. Tish Tushy: Uh-uh. Tuh-shy.
Teddy Duncan: Tushy?
Dr. Tish Tushy: Tuh-shy. Tuh-shy. Tuh-shy.
Teddy Duncan: Do you have a first name?
Dr. Tish Tushy: Tish.
Dr. Tish Tushy: [Dr. Tushy tells Teddy to heal Kaboodle by touching him and sending him loving thoughts] Do you have a thought?
Teddy Duncan: Ooh, I'm having a few of them!
Gabe Duncan: I have a probl... what are you doing?
Teddy Duncan: [Carrying Kaboodle on a harness] Readjusting Kaboodle's aura. Duh!
Teddy Duncan: What's wrong?
Gabe Duncan: The girl I like is here with her mom.
Teddy Duncan: What's wrong with that?
Gabe Duncan: Well, I told her mom and dad were divorced and that I'm an only child. What am I gonna do?
Teddy Duncan: OK, the first thing you're gonna do is calm down. Your negative energy is upsetting the cat.
Teddy Duncan: Hi, I'm Teddy the housekeeper, see?
Dana: Hi, I'm Dana. This is Kit.
Kit: Why are you wearing a cat?
Teddy Duncan: Er... because in my country, we have a saying: "The house looks its best when a cat's... on your chest".
Dana: W-what country is that?
Teddy Duncan: Canada.