Henchman 21: I'm sick of this! I'm slightly drunk, I'm talking to the ghost of my fucking dead friend, I'm probably in love with you, so... yeah, whatever! I'm over it!
The Monarch: You're "over it"?
Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: You're in love with me?
The Monarch: Whoa, wait, what?
Henchman 21: Yeah, we made out!
Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: Well, that's a stretch. We got drunk, and maybe we kissed...
The Monarch: Sure... where was I then?
Henchman 21: Where were you? You were there! We were on top of you! WE MADE OUT, ON YOU!
The Monarch: So you had a drunken threesome! Join the fucking club! We're villains, you crybaby! We SWING! I watched my wife suck Manta Claus dry and then make him breakfast!
Henchman 21: Is that true?
Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: Eggs and buttered toast.
Henchman 21: Wha... you guys are nuts! Yeah, great! Fuck you! Fuck this completely crappy fucking excuse for a fucking prom!
[Flips off everybody as he leaves]
Billy Quizboy: [as Dr. Venture makes a call] Oh, man. This is just wrong, Rusty.
Dr. Venture: Did you have a date to your prom?
Billy Quizboy: I was a boy genius. I was the only 12-year-old at my prom, so my date was my mother.
Dr. Venture: Mine was worse. My prom date was to have been Miss Linda Lovelace.
Billy Quizboy: Deep Throat Linda Lovelace?
Dr. Venture: The same. She, of course, by that time was a vocal anti-pornography advocate -thanks, Dad- and sent her friend Andrea Dworkin as her proxy.
Billy Quizboy: Was she hot?
Dr. Venture: Google "Andrea Dworkin" on an empty stomach one day.
Dr. Venture: Oh, hello? Yes, I'd like six of your finest whores please. Fine, escorts. Yes, I think I'll go for full service. Sure, I'll hold.
Dr. Venture: [to Billy] Anyway, because my dad brought, like, ten Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders as his date, he didn't care that my date was a huge, angry, "way smarter than a 16-year-old me" woman who called me "little half man."
Billy Quizboy: Better than having your mom as your date.
Dr. Venture: It got worse, no shit. I ended up slow-dancing with H.E.L.P.eR. H.E.L.P.eR.
General Treister: I have the pee-pee cancer, and there ain't a thing on Earth anybody can do to fix me. Son, I'm fixing the shuffle of this mortal coil.
[Treister climbs in a torpedo tube]
Hunter Gathers: Wait a minute, what the hell are you doing?
General Treister: DO NOT LET GO OF THAT WHEEL BOY! THEY'RE 2000 SOULS ON-BOARD!
Hunter Gathers: What about the OSI? You worked your whole life for this place, General. Now you're just gonna abandon it?
General Treister: Na. From where I sit, it looks like the ol' gal is in pretty good hands. Took guts to bust out the nest and go off on your own, son. Took balls to... cut your balls. Even without them your got more true grit man-moxy-on-tap than any of these yes-men and bureaucrats been running the place.
Hunter Gathers: No, General, I'm not...
General Treister: You'll do fine.
Hunter Gathers: Do not kill yourself you crazy bastard!
General Treister: Ain't killing myself son, I said there ain't nothing they can do for me on this Earth. But there is one thing might could cure me, ALIEN TECHNOLOGY!
Brock Samson: I'll take care of this. This has been a long time coming. Me and her got to get something straight between us.
The Alchemist: You think he even knows how many double entendres that was?
Dr. Venture: [nuzzling an escort] How about I take you to my boudoir and give you a little Rusty Venture?
[She gets off his lap, slaps him and walks away]
The Alchemist: Whoa! Denied! What was that about?
Shore Leave: Boom! Right out of the gate, you ask for a Rusty Venture. That is bold, my friend. Kudos!
Dr. Venture: What? I had chilled bubbly in my room.
The Alchemist: Rust, you do realize that a Rusty Venture is when you take your finger and run it around a guy's asshole while you pull the guy off into his own face.
Dr. Venture: What? My name is a sex act? When did that happen?
Shore Leave: Uh, like, in the 80s. And Al is way off: A Rusty Venture is when you 69 and fill each other's mouths with cum; then you turn over and blow splooge into each other's cracks.
Dr. Venture: Good Lord! How can that be named after me? What does that have to do with me?
Shore Leave: Oh, don't play coy. Your cartoon was huge in the gay community. We used to throw Rusty Venture parties in the Castro, and we'd all wear little striped tops and tight little shorts.