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Jon Stewart: [his opening statement] My friend Bill O'Reilly is completely full of shit, now he and I do agree this country does face some issues, what we disagree is the scope of these issues, the cause of these issues and the timing of these issues, I believe we have complex problems since its conception, what is wrong with this country is not what we face problems we have never faced before, we face a deficiency in our "problem solving mechanism." The reason we face difficulty in our problem solving mechanism is that a good portion of this country has created an "alternate universe" ,in which the issues that we face involve a woman from Georgetown who wanted birth control which is a health issue for women covered under her health insurance in the same way Viagra is covered, I call this "alternate universe" where these folks live: Bullshit Mountain, the denizens of Bullshit Mountain believe many things: a Kenyan Muslim president has fundamentally changed the relationship between government and the people of this country. On Bullshit Mountain if they built it, it was because of their success and a little quick moxie and some freedom juice, but if life hasn't worked out for them it is the government on their back. Bullshit Mountain is a dangerous place not to mention the winters on there, the winters are long and cold and Christmas, the ubiquitous holiday in the history of mankind is under threat on Bullshit Mountain because somewhere somehow a parade in Tulsa has changed its name from "Christmas" to "Holiday", I have come here tonight to plead to the mayor of Bullshit Mountain to talk to your people now I know you don't live on Bullshit Mountain all yearlong obviously you have to leave for provisions and I believe you have a summer place but until we can agree on a reality that exists in this county you and those denizens believe we face a cataclysmic, a societal cataclysm between freedom and socialism. On Bullshit Mountain our problems are amplified and our solutions are simplified and that's why they won't work. We face a deficit crisis we've never faced before, we are merely weeks from becoming a fail state or even worse Greece and the way to solve it is to kill Big Bird, now let me say this: that is not a solution and I believe we will take you down from the mountain tonight and you can live amongst the people again, thank you.

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