Gwyneth Paltrow: Johanna
Mortdecai : Oh, my darling, I tried desperately to be unfaithful to you, I really did. But I just couldn't do it.
Johanna : It's a terrible moment when you finding yourself falling in love with your own spouse, isn't it?
Mortdecai : Now that is the look that softens every bone in my body, except one.
Mortdecai : [calling through the door] Johanna. Are you all right in there, darling? It is I, Charlie... Your husband.
Johanna : What is it?
Mortdecai : Oh, moon of my delight. This is your own personalized Sheik of Araby who seeks admission into your tent. I have come to carry you off to the burning desert, and work my greasy will upon you under the tropical stars. Send your camel to bed, damn it!
Johanna : [sighs] My Sheik, does this mean you have excommunicated that mustache of the Prophet?
Mortdecai : ...I'll trim it... Darling. I am embarking on a very dangerous escapade, from which I may not well return. And it is customary in these situations for, you know, a proper send-off. Quick session of congress. Sink the Bismarck, if you will. And by the way, did I mention it is a matter of national security.
Mortdecai : Mmm.
[forces his way in]