A Perfect Day (I) (2015)
B: Welcome to Konopac, the Rope Capital of the World. Population: 5. I'm B, I'll be your tour guide this afternoon and I'm pleased to be with you on this lovely day.
B: [seeing Katya for the first time] Shit, where did you get her? Models Without Borders?
Mambrú: B, I have a girlfriend. Yeah.
B: [on Katya] She's hot. You had a thing with her before. It's a relapse. It's like smoking again. Totally understandable. And what if she writes a terrible report about us, we gotta go home. What then? Who helps the people, then? Uh? Have you ever think about that? No. You're selfish. You gotta fuck her. For the Bosnian people. Make a sacrifice. For the humanitarian cause. She won't say no. Hey, hey! I'm serious.
Sophie: Where is the roof?
Mambrú: Out there somewhere. They blew it off from right there, you see? They leave an open tank of butane... they light a fuse... close the windows, shut the door. Half an hour later... pfft! The roof is gone.
Mambrú: Neighbors, probably. But before the war, if you were a Muslim and your husband a Serb... or the other way around, well, it was no big deal. Then the war starts... the lines are drawn. And now it's too dangerous to stay here. So you leave the kids with the grandparents... and you go to the other side... where it's safer. But while you're away... the neighbors blow up your house so you won't come back after the war. But it could be worse.
Sophie: What could be worse?
[starting to sit down]
Mambrú: Putting a mine in the sofa in case you do come back.
Radio Operator: Do you have enough supplies?
B: Uh, Roger that, hotel. We have enough water, uh, some sardines, various other NGO tin can delicacies. We could really use a pizza, however. Do you happen to know of a place that delivers? Over.
Radio Operator: Can you repeat that?
B: I said we have sufficient supplies. Over.
Mambrú: Who wants to see a picture of my girlfriend?
B: Is she naked?
Mambrú: No, she's not naked! Normal people don't carry naked photos of their girlfriend.
B: Damir does.
Mambrú: [about their new assignment] I'm sorry.
Katya: No problem. I'm curious to see if you guys actually fix something here.
B: That camp was built in a big hurry. They got the drainage wrong there. The ditches must have collapsed and all the waste overflows, so we're probably looking at a swimming pool of shit. That'll make the well look like a mountain spring.
Sophie: A perfect day.
B: Hey, your first flooded latrines are important too, Sophie. You never forget them either.
Sophie: Is it gonna be rough?
B: Nah, we'll be fine as long as it doesn't rain.
[just then thunder and a sudden cloudburst]
B: It's important moment, your first corpse. You never forget it. It's like your first girlfriend or the first time you get laid. I remember the first time I got laid but my first corpse, that shit is burned in my memory. I'll never forget that face, man.
Sophie: Was it terrible?
B: No, it wasn't terrible. It was, it was nice. She was, uh, 17 red head, nice body.
Sophie: The corpse?
B: No, my... The girl, the first girl I slept with. What's wrong with you?