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"Crazy Ex-Girlfriend" When Do I Get to Spend Time with Josh? (TV Episode 2017) Poster

Quotes

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Nathaniel Plimpton: Business is not personal, it's about the bottom line. It's about efficiency, saving time and money...

Karen: Just do it! I can't take it anymore, do with me what you will! Fire me, throw me out... cover me in honey and blindfold me. My safe word is penis!

[Daryl bursts out of his office]

Darryl Whitefeather: I heard someone yell penis. What's wrong, Karen?

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Paula Proctor: Okay, just give it to me straight. Who is getting fired? I mean, it's gotta be Karen, right? She's awful! I mean, can we make it Karen if it's not Karen?

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[Heather finds Rebecca curled up on the couch with Josh]

Heather Davis: Uh, Rebecca, can you uncuddle yourself? Daryl has been stalking my entire life. Apparently there's an emergency at work and he's trying to call you.

Rebecca Bunch: Okay, yeah, well you know what? There's really bad cell service in the love bubble.

[Rebecca kisses Josh]

Heather Davis: Well, maybe you could change to a better provider! Ewww.

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Paula Proctor: I can't get fired! Alright, my marriage is in shambles, we're already paying for two places to live, I'm gonna have to quit law school! This job's the only thing keeping my family afloat!

Karen: I bough a chinchilla from a high-priced dealer in Ventura and the APR is 10%!

George: I'm the one who's gonna get fired. Mark my words, it's always me.

Tim: Gary, stop being so self-involved.

George: George! It's George! My name is George!

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Rebecca Bunch: What's with the faces? Karen, did you try to cook a chicken in the microwave again?

Karen: Not today! But it can be done.

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Nathaniel Plimpton: You lost. Game over. Get out of the pool, wash off the chlorine and apologize to your father.

Rebecca Bunch: What?

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Paula ProctorMayaTimGeorgeKaren: Who's the new guy? I don't trust him. What's his purpose going to be?

Paula Proctor: Who's this new character? I mean, he's such "a character!" Such a big persona that's not relatable at all.

Tim: Do we really need a new guy this far into the season? And by far into the season, I mean it's almost fall!

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Paula ProctorTimMayaGeorgeKaren: Who's the new guy? I don't trust him.

Maya: He's suspiciously good looking in ways that normal people are not!

Karen: Is this some sort of desperate move to help our ratings?

Paula ProctorTimMayaGeorge: You mean our terrible ratings on legal-scores.com?

Karen: Yeah.

George: Will he be here forever?

Paula Proctor: Or just for two or three episodes? I mean Karen's manic episodes.

Karen: I'm a ticking time bomb!

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Paula ProctorTimGeorgeMayaKaren: Who's the new guy? I don't trust him. Is he going to be a mainstay of our lives? Is this someone new we're gonna have to grow to care about? Why should we root for someone male, straight and white?

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Paula Proctor: The minute I laid eyes on him, I knew we were all in trouble. A man with a face that perfectly symmetrical has no soul.

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[on the phone with a potential client]

Rebecca Bunch: What am I wearing? How dare you! Ya know, if you wanna know sexual details about me, you have to employ me first.

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Rebecca Bunch: These are good people! They've supported me through a lot of tough times. Alright, I moved here less than a year ago, completely started over and they've supported me - even the most humiliating moments... I pooped in a shoe on You Tube! Okay? That's what happened.

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Rebecca Bunch: You know what you've made me do? You made me offend my future in-laws, you almost got me arrested, I watched my best friend hold a human pelvis in her hand, I have offered to show my ample bosom to *so many gross old men,* and you made the love of my life say, "Boop-a-doop-a-doop-a-doop-a-doop!"

Nathaniel Plimpton: Well, I don't know, those words sound a little advanced for Josh.

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[Rebecca has Nathaniel pinned to the floor and struggles to stab him in the throat with a pen]

Paula Proctor: Daryl, you're the boss! You have to intervene!

Darryl Whitefeather: Actually, I'm not a boss. I'm not even a co-boss, I'm a semi-pseudo boss. I mean nothing! I'm useless! A puppet! A male cheerleader!

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Darryl Whitefeather: Sir, if you're gonna terminate anyone, let it be me.

Nathaniel Plimpton: Daryl...

Darryl Whitefeather: For I am the angel that let the devil run loose in this house! My greed has imperiled these wonderful people. Shame on me, for I have failed all of you! I am but the jester in this house of feathers.

Nathaniel Plimpton: Why is everyone so dramatic around here?

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Paula Proctor: Oh, he's a terrible person! He is a terrible, terrible... dreamboat. Like, it's weird how good looking he is. Right? It's like he's chiseled out of evil marble.

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