Eleanor Shellstrop : You saw us all on Earth: a selfish ass, an idiot DJ, a tortured academic, a hot rich fraud with legs for days - side note, I might legit be into Tahani.
Eleanor Shellstrop : I'll miss you too, you sexy skyscraper.
Eleanor Shellstrop : Holy motherforking shirtballs.
Eleanor Shellstrop : What the fork's a Chidi?
Eleanor Shellstrop : Okay, I guess I'll speak first. Jason and I are the mistakes. We're the ones who misled everybody and dragged you all into this mess, so we should go to the Bad Place.
Chidi Anagonye : [simultaneously with Tahani] Agreed.
Tahani Al-Jamil : Yes.
Eleanor Shellstrop : Okay, I thought you were at least gonna pretend to fight me on that, but whatever.
Eleanor Shellstrop : It took me a while to figure it out, but just now as we were all fighting, yelling at each other and each one of us demanding we should go to the Bad Place, I thought to myself, "Man, this is torture." And then it hit me: they're never gonna call a train to take us to the Bad Place. They can't... because we're already here. *This* is the Bad Place.
[camera zooms in on Michael, who cackles maniacally]
Michael : Oh, man! I can't believe you figured it out!