LA to Vegas (2018)
Captain Dave: [promotional mock preflight safety video] Welcome aboard Jackpot Airlines, service from LA to Vegas, the only airline to ever be on the no-fly list.
Ronnie: Safety is our first priority, and it's our maintenance crew's third priority, which averages out to second priority.
Bernard: Seat belts: you know what to do. Oxygen mask: put yours on first, kids are on their own.
Ronnie: Please keep your shoes on at all times. That's not an FAA thing, but it is for your safety.
Bernard: I will cut you.
Captain Dave: If anyone wants to join the Mile-High Club, it's strictly prohibited.
Captain Dave: Call me.
Ronnie: If he's mouthing "call me," don't.
Captain Dave: Call me.
Ronnie: Now sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight.
Captain Dave: Thank you for flying Jackpot Airlines. Good luck in Las Vegas. May you win big enough to fly home on a better airline.
Ronnie: [promotional mock return flight video] Welcome to Jackpot Airlines, service from Las Vegas to Los Angeles.
Captain Dave: We appreciate you spending your hangover with us.
Ronnie: It is our pleasure to be taking you home, assuming you did not lose yours this weekend.
Bernard: Clearly you didn't get all the gambling out of your system, since you decided to fly with us. At this time, we need you to stow your laptops and phones. Use our lack of wi-fi to get your stories straight. Remember, you want some detail in your alibi, but don't over do it. The lavatories can be found in the rear of the aircraft. though on the return trip from Vegas, using the bathroom is an extra game of roulette.
Captain Dave: On behalf on Jackpot Airlines, we look forward to flying with you to Vegas again for your next bachelor party, convention, or general gambling/drug binge. And remember, you're welcome.
Ronnie: [sighs in annoyance]
Bernard: He means "thank you."
Ronnie: ["Tips To Vegas" promotional video] If you stay in a hotel that has robes and you don't steal one, you don't belong in Vegas.
Bernard: Get vaccinated before using any hotel Jacuzzis.
Captain Dave: Don't underestimate the strip club buffet. If you're going to the pool the next day, that food poisoning can really bring out your abs.
Ronnie: Don't ask for directions from anyone in open-toed shoes.
Bernard: Never trust a magician.
Captain Dave: Apparently there's more to counting cards than just counting cards. And no, the dealer won't slow down to help, so do not ask
Ronnie: Bring your own plate and you can crash any buffet for free.
Bernard: If they say the champagne is complimentary, you can assume it's carbonated garbage water.
Captain Dave: Hydrate! It's the simplest one, and you always forget it!