Jake Peralta : Sir, there you are. We've been looking everywhere for. Kevin says he hasn't heard from you all night.
Captain Ray Holt : Yes, I've been sitting in my office wallowing in my hopelessness, and eating the saddest food known to mankind. Ice cream.
Charles Boyle : Oh, my god, he's Bridget Jones-ing.
Jake Peralta : Okay, well it's time to put that aside and pull out whatever food you eat when you're happy.
Captain Ray Holt : Dry beans?
Jake Peralta : Sure.
Rosa Diaz : Captain Holt hates pranks. This is gonna backfire, man.
Jake Peralta : Ugh, fine, I'll tone it down. I'll... move his podium a foot to the left.
Amy Santiago : What? He'll be so angry.
Jake Peralta : Okay, five inches.
Amy Santiago : Five?
Jake Peralta : Three?
Amy Santiago : Three!
Jake Peralta : One?
Amy Santiago : One?
Jake Peralta : All right. I'll move it a half inch.
Amy Santiago : Fine. It's your funeral.
Jake Peralta : Oh my god. Worst prank ever. So stupid. Holt's not even going to notice.
Captain Ray Holt : Good morning.
[He puts his papers on the podium but stops for a second, realizing something is off]
Captain Ray Holt : You guys... the podium, it's... Ha.
Captain Ray Holt : [laughter intensifies]
Captain Ray Holt : [shouting] You're crazy! How did you pull this off?
Captain Ray Holt : [on the phone] Yes, Kevin, they moved it a full half inch. I'll tell you the entire story tonight. I love you as well. Goodbye. Oh, that was a fun several moments.