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6/10
Hot girls but not much else
13 January 2020
Thank goodness this slop was only an hour or so long! The funny thing is, the main plot of "Ghost of Dragstrip Hollow" doesn't even begin until about the last quarter of the movie, when the kids in a car club use an old lady's haunted mansion for headquarters. The rest of the time prior is just a lot of dancing, the rock band playing, very loose time-filling dialogue and one race at the start of the movie which is actually ok.

One of the girls is a hotrodder who also loves working on her own car, and she is super-hot. Her dad hilariously trades barbs with her and others, spies on her as she's kissing boys, and waits for the bathroom while his daughter has her slumber party, conveniently getting a nice view of girls in their nighties. Her mom is a "cool mom" who likes all the kids and who is a looker herself.

There's an older guy writing a hot rod story for a magazine who befriends the club who really seems to be there because the writers couldn't come up with anything else, and some rival rodders who left the club because of new "rules" who keep causing very minor trouble. But the main thing is there are a bunch of very sexy 50s gals here, including our star mechanic and a tall babe with glasses who is a knockout.

Drag racing legend Tommy Ivo even makes the scene, so that's a big plus as well. The "spook party" at the end is fun, and the whole film has a lot of nonsensical things happen, but it's all a goofy, fun mess. More than likely you won't watch it twice (except for the chicks possibly), but it's good for an hour to kill.

And oh yeah, the old bitty has a parrot that keeps making wisecracks, and he gets real annoying real fast.
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Cats (2019)
1/10
Total garbage, and a reflection of Hollyweird today
21 December 2019
I won't say how I came across this film and managed to check it out, after all, how could I not after hearing so much about it and reading these incredibly entertaining reviews? Make no mistake, this film is absolute garbage, everything from the "look" to the songs to the script...just a giant mess.

As not to repeat too much of what has already been said many times, I'll say this. Universal should seriously consider changing the marketing soon on this abomination to that of a humorous "cult" film, just like Paramount did almost forty years ago with "Mommie Dearest" during that film's initial run, after they realized that people were laughing at the movie, particularly at star Faye Dunaway's performance, instead of taking it seriously.

But Universal won't do that though, because today, Hollyweird takes themselves way too seriously, and they believe YOU are the problem if you do not lap up every piece of codswallop they dish out. All these "stars," the horrific CGI, all these songs, the source material considered, the sets, how can one not like it? They'll just scratch their heads as they greenlight the next slop they'll release for the masses. They don't get it, and never will.

If only "Sack Lunch" from Seinfeld was real, that would probably be a more enjoyable film.
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3/10
Garbage
15 December 2019
I say "garbage" not because of the subject matter, as the original is an exploitation classic. This remake is completely pointless and frankly is so thin it barely holds any interest at all.

The story kind of follows the 1978 original, with a few minor tweaks (mainly videotaping the rapes, and a bad sheriff). It's interesting how virtually identical plots can give such different results.

This remake is so void of any substantive characterization (yeah we get it, rednecks are bad, whatever), it pretty much runs as a cheap fan film. Actually, it seems the only reason the film was made at all was to film some torture scenes, and even they are dull.

Funny thing is, the rape scenes in the '78 movie are much more brutal than what is seen here, which is mostly humiliation towards the girl. But the camera shakes and the music is so cliched, and add the characters themselves and the film almost seems like a comedy. The lead actress making all "angry" faces during her revenge scenes as the "scary" music plays on cue while she drops a few not-so-clever bon mots was particularly amusing. Her wooden acting makes you hope for yet another shot at her butt because that's the most interesting thing about her. The character, who isn't likable to begin with, also turns into a female "Jigsaw" in a sense, an expert at minor torture devices, a skill out of the blue. The rednecks have some funny lines like "City boys are fags," and similar life observations.

The star has an amazing body though, and in true exploitation style there are some gratuitous scenes of her jogging through the woods to highlight it. While the addition of the bad sheriff had potential, that won't make the film any better because everything involved is so poor.

There are also some plotholes you can run a semi through, but the film is so bad it isn't much of a bother.

So sure, if you want to see the lead actress sleepwalk her way through the film, some funny rednecks (I was expecting the "Deliverance" music actually) and some boring torture scenes, this one's for you. Or, simply watch the original again.
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Creed II (2018)
2/10
Cliched Craparama
14 December 2019
I like Rocky as much as anyone, but this movie shows that it's time to hang this series up.

I doubt this film could have been more cliche-ridden and predictable. Every overused piece of nonsense is here - the big comeback, talking to graves, the baby, the harsh tragedy, the doubt, the seemingly unstoppable opponent, the reconciliation, heck the movie still does that "shaky camera" thing that should never be used again.

The entire film is just so forced and by-the-numbers. At best, this is a cheesy TV-movie. There are even countless laughable lines that seem like they are there just so they can be used in internet memes.

Even the big battle in Russia seems so rushed and fake (well, CGI FX go a long way now, crowd and all), it has zero emotional impact. In fact, absolutely none of these actors in the film make you care about their characters because they simply cannot act, Michael B. Jordan right at the top of that list.

Everyone just sleepwalks through their roles, including Stallone, who frankly can barely be understood when he speaks anymore. But hey, put on the hat and bounce that ball.

The only reason whatsoever to even consider watching this is to see Dolph Lundgren return as Ivan Drago. Unfortunately, he isn't given much to do except keep saying quick soundbites like "take him down" to his son. Frankly, Drago's story was a sad one, and he's the only character I really gave a darn about in the entire film. It was also cool to see Brigitte Nielsen make an appearance.

So see this for Dolph Lundgren if for any reason because this film is a joke.
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4/10
Typical crime drama with a few "beats" sprinkled in
9 December 2019
One of the better-known beat films, I finally sat down to watch "The Beat Generation" and was thoroughly disappointed. Not that it's such a bad movie - well ok, it kind of is, but I felt I was watching some low-budget crime drama from television, not some "beat" movie.

The plot is somewhat clever (guy rapes women when he knows their husband is not home and leaves an aspirin tin as a calling card) but the execution is poor. The cop tracking the rapist down has a pretty wife who is one of the victims, so it's personal.

It takes a while for Mamie Van Doren to appear, and when she does it's a breath of fresh air because she's so hot and the film is pretty dull. With her, the film is barely watchable. There's hardly any "beat" scenes, mainly near the top and at the end, the whole movie is pretty much the cop and his partner (Jackie Coogan/Uncle Fester) track down the rapist.

Louis Armstrong sings a few tunes and gets a few lines so that's a plus. Interesting to see a young Robert Mitchum, who was great in "Moonrunners." But really, this is just a cop drama disguising itself as a "beat" movie.
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Yesterday (III) (2019)
4/10
Very uneven but OK (and a HUGE gyp, explained)
5 October 2019
Like some others have said here, the premise of "Yesterday" is fantastic. The execution, however, is nowhere near as good as it could have been.

Of course, the plot where everyone in the world forgets who The Beatles are ( as well as Oasis, Coca-Cola and cigarettes) so Jack "writes" their songs and becomes a huge star, is creative and fun. The film though, is overlong, drags on in spots, and could use some severe tightening up.

The stars of the film are likeable enough (Jack's roadie friend is a particular scene-stealer) but the film is kind of like a cheap junk food treat - tastes kind of good, but has a lot of air in it.

Jack's rise to the top singing Beatles songs is done fairly decently, but there are just so many scenes with unneeded dialogue and dead space that the film becomes really dull and tiresome in certain spots.

Ed Sheeran is also in it a lot as himself - how the heck is this guy arguably the biggest music star in the world right now? In the film he's as flat as a pancake, no charisma or personality whatsoever.

It definitely helps if you are a Beatles fan, as you'll see and listen to clever nods to the group in various scenes. Plus, Jack's versions of their songs are all pretty decent. However, the film won't knock you out and is not as good as the trailer. If you don't expect much though, you can have a relatively pleasant viewing, but you'll never watch it again.

NOT REALLY A SPOILER involved something in the trailer. This is the "huge gyp" I was talking about above in the subject line. There was a certain scene in the trailer that looked to be a MAJOR part of the film, and is a major "this will help get people into the theater" scene. However, while the scene is in the movie, it's not exactly what it seems. Therefore, the scene is a gigantic fraud (just like Jack in the movie), with absolutely zero payoff. This actually angered me as this was the scene I was looking forward to the most, but it meant absolutely nothing and led to absolutely nothing. This part of the trailer was a complete scam.

Another rip-off was another scene in the trailer, in the same setting as the "gyp" scene, that never made the final cut. It's in the deleted scenes on the DVD, and it's a great scene. Why did they delete it? It's really SOMETHING.
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2/10
Horrific movie, entertaining cast
21 September 2019
The main thing one needs to know about "The Monkey Hu$tle" is that it makes absolutely no sense at all.None. Zero. It doesn't even have anything remotely resembling a plot until the last fifteen minutes, and even then, the "plot" is so thin as to almost be nonexistent. So yes, this is a bad film.

However, the cast is fantastic, in that you have a lot of familiar 70s faces doing their thing with the bad material they are given. The great Yaphet Kotto leads the way, and behind him are Rudy Ray Moore, Rosalind Cash, Thomas Carter, the gorgeous Debbi Morgan, and others you will recognize from 70s blaxploitation films and TV shows.

As entertaining as the cast is, it's hard to imagine any of them knew what the heck they were actually acting in, and probably just took it scene-by-scene according to the script, never really knowing all the context. I can't imagine any of them reading the script and saying "What a plot, this looks good I'll do it." Instead, it was probably more like "What a mess, but I have a lot of scenes, I'm in." Or simply just doing it for the paycheck.

The film was shot in Chicago so there are a lot of interesting location scenes, and the film is shot halfway decently. Those things, and the cast, do make the film fun to look at. However this is a real mess due to the missing "plot" but it is worth a viewing for the pluses. You'll never watch it again, tho'.
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8/10
Solid hostage drama
8 August 2019
Kind of surprised at the low rating here at the IMDB for this flick (3.1 as of this writing). There were many JD flicks around the time but this one is a cut above the rest.

Thing is, even though there's an intro about the "teen" problem in the beginning, the movie really isn't about that, or a "crime wave" at all - it basically just centers on a few teens who take a farm family hostage (along with a girl who inadvertently gets involved).

Sounds very standard but there is some pretty decent drama and suspense, and the two main young girls are very attractive (bad girl Molly McCart especially). The finale is exciting and although there are some inconsistencies (like why the bad boy teen shoots some people and not others), and also some odd shots (like a telephone ringing six times, we get it the recipient isn't home) this is still a good way to spend watching some 50's low-budget action with girls, guns and an interesting resolution.
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9/10
Much fun, better than it looks
26 July 2019
It's a simple premise - four dudes (and two chicks) go to an old house which one of them rented or bought, where there was a brutal killing a long time ago, and they all get trapped in the house with an old dead woman out to kill them.

The movie poster is funny - none of these "dudes" are in the movie. And actually, only one of the guys is like a corny "dude" at all - he's a hard-edged California tough-guy type who needs beer, hates when people whistle and is sarcastic to everyone.

The dead old lady killer pops up every now and then to kill one of the gang, and the film almost runs like a videogame, with her being the "boss" of a round - if you don't kill her, you sneak around more, finding and making weapons, and eventually confront her again. And the ones she kills come back to life not as traditional zombies, but as talking and rationalizing undead, who are also out to kill the remaining friends.

The gore is pretty good, and of course this being Troma, there's some laughs in between the scares, but it doesn't get insultingly silly. Two characters in the house actually just kind of disappear without being mentioned again, and we never really understand why the dead old lady is super-strong or why she seems to control the house's actions, but that's all part of the mindless fun.

There's decent suspense, lots of cheesy horror cliches and dialogue, and pretty girls, a decent way to spend some horror time.
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The Bionic Woman: Motorcycle Boogie (1977)
Season 3, Episode 7
8/10
Evel and the Beauty
21 July 2019
I'm not really a big fan of "The Bionic Woman," but am of Evel so of course I had to check this out. Evel in the seventies was a gigantic star, and kids everywhere (myself included) had his toys and merch.

In this episode, halfway across the world, Jaime hitches a ride with Evel (who just happens to be performing nearby) and leads him on an adventure to steal back a "computer tape" full of American secret codes. This is a fun episode actually as Evel and Jaime trade quips, Evel keeps looking shocked at Jaime's feats of strength, and Jaime's refusal to believe that Evel is who he is.

Jaime of course looks very beautiful and fit, and Evel struggles his way through the script with cheesy (but fun) dialogue, particularly using the expression "my eye" a lot. It's an exciting ride as the unlikely duo are chased by helicopters, cops, make escapes, avoid being shot and blown up, and mix in (Evel speaks fluent German?).

Why, we even get a good look at Evel's awesome pimpmobile at the end, which drives off with both Evel and Jaime, hopefully starting a beautiful relationship. I would imagine this episode is one of the highlights of the Bionic Woman series.
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Easy Rider (1969)
3/10
Very boring overrated movie
18 July 2019
Oddly enough, despite being a lifelong film fan, I've just watched "Easy Rider" for the very first time. Given its reputation and the celebration of the film's fiftieth anniversary, I was finally prompted to watch.

I was pretty mystified at what I found, which was a very boring, slow-moving non-movie which resembled more of a travelogue of sixties America.

In short, for almost the entire duration of the movie, nothing happens. This is a 20-minute short film stretched out into an excruciatingly dull full-length feature. What you mainly get are three things - plenty of shots of Peter Fonda and Dennis Hopper riding their bikes, views of the countryside as they are riding their bikes, and them hanging by the fire at night speaking gibberish either between themselves or with whomever they are giving a ride to.

There is almost none of the supposed "bigotry and hatred" from small-town America that is supposed to be a focal point. There is one scene in a small diner where they felt some tension from the locals, and they got out of there quick. Even when a bunch of young girls pay attention to the bikers - even following them outside - the locals remain inside, simply peeking out the window.

They're heading to New Orleans for the Mardi Gras, and hoping to find, I don't know, something along the way, peace maybe, or who knows. This horrifically dull trip picks up a little interest when Jack Nicholson joins them, but even he can't save the movie from being dull, especially with his bad fake accent.

Even when the two hook up with Karen Black and Toni Basil, things still remain dull, and the movie then hilariously goes into "Magical Mystery Tour" territory by trying to be all "psychedelic" due to a drug trip.

Most people know the ending, but by then, it's really kind of unemotional, because did we really care about these characters anyway?

Apparently, there were many scenes cut out of the film, and going by their description (they sounded like good scenes), it almost seems like there was an actual effort to make the film as boring as possible by taking the good scenes out.

I do like the general idea - two pals going their own way and forging their own path hit the road and have adventures while on their "search" for whatever. I just wish it wasn't all so darn dull.
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8/10
One of the best boring films I've seen
22 June 2019
I say "boring" because "Strawberries Need Rain" is on the dull side. However, there is enough to keep your interest going.

The plot is simple - Death (played by "Mentor" from "Shazam!," Les Tremayne) comes to claim a beautiful farm girl named Erika, who talks her way into one more day of life. She then sets out to have sex, knowing that in 24 hours, Death will visit again, taking what he came for.

The print I caught was decent, but had washed-up colors and lots of lines, but that gave it a good grindhouse feel. Erika is incredibly beautiful, and we get some tasteful nude scenes. There are many gorgeous shots of her prancing in the countryside as sweet folksy music plays on the soundtrack.

We follow Erika's adventures on her last day with great anticipation, wondering what will happen when Death finally comes around for her. Without giving anything away, of course we hope for the best for her, and the ending actually makes perfect sense.

It's a slow moving film definitely, but the atmosphere is so serene, and again, Erika is so strikingly gorgeous that it is easy to stay with it until the end. A fantastic lost 70s gem of a movie.
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3/10
Three stars for the movie, ten for the hockey
17 June 2019
*Whew* just in case it wasn't made clear in any other review, I'll just say it flat-out....this is a horrible movie, but the hockey scenes are fantastic.

First, the movie part. It's touted as "the Canadian 'Love Story'" so that tells you where it's going, only it hardly ever feels like the film goes anywhere. The acting is horrible. There's no chemistry at all between the two leads. We're subjected to some long "romantic" scenes that are painful due to the lack of chemistry. The direction is abysmal. This is a very drab and dull film....except for the hockey.

I remember seeing "Face-Off" as a kid on TV here in NYC in the early 70s, and have searched for a bootleg for years. Finally the film had a proper release and I picked it up immediately. As a lifetime NHL and NY Rangers fan, I vaguely remembered all the great footage. And great it is. Bobby Orr, Phil Esposito, Gordie Howe and many others in fantastic action on the ice. Where else are you gonna see Orr pass to Espo for a beautiful goal from a view behind the goalie? The footage is just amazing.

So if you like old-time hockey (no, Eddie Shore is not in it, but 'Moe' is!) with some of the game's greatest and most legendary players, there's just no doubt at all that this film is a must. However, if you couldn't care less about hockey, this is a flat romance pic that even fans of 70s films will find difficult to stay awake for.
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1/10
Devastatingly horrific
27 December 2018
I admit, the reviews here at the IMDB inspired me to see this movie without exactly going to the theater, and check it out. I love "so bad it's good" movies, and when I come across a "so bad it's just bad" film, I like to see for myself just how bad.

Well, this is bad.

Did I say bad? I meant, unfathomably bad, as in you simply will not believe how incomprehensibly dreadful this utter garbage is. So void of any humor, wit, charm, heart, or talent whatsoever, if you actually pay money to see this craparama, you will most likely be enraged....at yourself, for taking a chance on this anyway, despite these reviews, and wasting good cash.

This is a film of immeasurable ineptitude. And I won't even discuss Will Ferrell too much - never have I seen any human being in my entire life as incredibly unfunny as he is in this movie. I'll leave that at that.

Whether for yourself, or as a couple, or as a family, there are infinitely more choices to spend that money on than seeing this. If you still want to see this, I suggest you either burn the money in the oven or toss in down the toilet and then go to sleep, because that's easier than going to see this film, with the same result. (Incidentally, I actually made it just halfway through.)

Maybe the most amazing thing is how this train wreck unbelievably passed through every step to actually have a theatrical release, and in almost three thousand theaters no less. You must, and I mean must, take heed with these reviews and save yourself the torture. This movie is an absolute colossal waste of time and money.
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Rape (1966)
3/10
Not sure what to make of this
22 November 2018
Warning: Spoilers
I can't figure out if this is supposed to be serious, or a warped comedy. The plot is as basic as it gets - nun walks in the woods, guy stalks her, rapes her (which you don't actually see, just a tree shaking), fixes himself up afterwards, and then he walks away. Ten minutes of nonsense really, don't even waste time trying to figure out "what it all means." Early nunsploitation, this short is a waste of time unless you're really curious.
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Joshua (1968)
9/10
Fantastic short film teaches a good lesson
21 July 2018
I'm very surprised that at the time of this writing, there are no reviews or ratings votes for this great short film, "Joshua." I remember seeing this film on television over forty years ago, most likely on some Saturday morning show on channel 13 PBS, which always played educational programs, or maybe in elementary school.

Joshua is a black student who has won an athletic scholarship to a college in Texas, and enjoys one last day in Harlem, mainly hanging out with a girlfriend, and running through Central Park. He watches animals with a young white boy who refers to Joshua as the "n-word" (I'm assuming the IMDB won't allow the full word) without realizing how hurtful the word is. Angry, Joshua runs off and starts a fight with a white teen flying a kite.

Sometimes, when something isn't overdone, it can do a lot more good than if the lesson was hitting you over the head like a hammer. "Joshua" is very simple story about racism that just feels natural, as if the viewer is more of a "fly on the wall" watching something very real unfold.

Joshua himself may not be the smartest guy (he got the scholarship with his running, not his brain) but he is by no means stupid, and he proves to have a lot of common sense. By the time the film ends, you are cheering for him to do well, and you feel he's going to make it in what must be a scary new place outside of his safe haven in New York City.

One of just two pieces of music in the film, the hit song "Cry Like a Baby" by The Box Tops, fits in perfectly and places you right in the late sixties as Joshua enjoys his last day.

It would great if "Joshua" and other films like it from the era can be cleaned up and released. Today's kids can use lessons like the ones this film offers.
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Deliver Us from Evil (1973 TV Movie)
6/10
Good, watch for the actors
21 May 2018
"Deliver Us from Evil" definitely stars a number of heavyweights, namely Jan-Michael Vincent and George Kennedy, who portray two men of a group who come across an airplane skyjacker with six hundred thousand dollars while hiking in the mountains.

As far as 70's TV movies go, this isn't up there with the best ones, but it's far from being one of the worst ones. The film has a lot of outdoors sequences and it's good to see actors actually roughing it for the camera a bit.

My main problem with the film is that it seems to end too early, like there are a few more chapters missing. Someone mentioned "Deliverance," imagine if "Deliverance" ended a half hour early, and that's kind of where this film ends up.

As disappointing as that is, this is still a halfway decent 70's TV-movie viewing. Kind of tough to find but it's out there in internet-land.
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8/10
Gritty, scarce NYC cop flick
9 May 2018
It's great to watch a film you remember as a kid, but haven't seen in a long time. "Report to the Commissioner" is one of those films I remember liking a real lot, and I just watched it for the first time in forty years.

Funny how time makes you remember some things incorrectly - for instance, somehow I remembered Yaphet Kotto being in the elevator with Michael Moriarty, not "Stick" the heroin dealer played by Tony King. (The elevator scenes are nothing short of spectacular.)

"Report to the Commissioner" starts off a little slow and hap-hazard, but really picks up after a short while, mainly due to Moriarty's fine acting (although everyone else in the cast also does a great job). He's a tortured soul who really doesn't want to be a cop, and who gets into some serious trouble. Moriarty puts on one of his best performances.

Yaphet Kotto is great in anything he's in, and Susan Blakely was easily one of the most beautiful actresses of the seventies. Other familiar faces are all over as the drama builds to a harrowing final half hour.

Another thing I didn't remember was the ending, which hits hard, and kind of makes sense when you think about it. There's also a wild foot chase through the rooftops and streets on Times Square (love the crowds watching the filming).

The seventies was such a fantastic time for films - no political correct nonsense, just real street elbow grease film making, with actors and actresses who didn't mind getting their feet dirty (in Tony King's case, literally). "Report to the Commissioner" is a good viewing.
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Girl (1975)
2/10
Watch a girl stare at you for 20 minutes
1 May 2018
"Girl" may be interesting to the "artsy" crowd (as this is obviously supposed to be an "art" film) as they try to convince themselves that this is good, but that's all in their own imaginations. "Girl" is pretty much nothing but a girl standing on a small rug in what looks like a slum apartment looking into the camera.

Obviously, it's not easy to just stand there, so she squirms a bit, wiggles a little, even squats down halfway through, I supposed to not bore herself to death too quickly. Finally she sits down on the rug for good and it's all over.

I'd like to think that this film is just a way to punk the artsy crowd, making them contemplate what it all means, when in reality, it all means absolutely nothing.

Even though the film is marked as a 1975 film, the end credit shows 1971.
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The Dummy (1982)
7/10
Fun horror short
20 November 2017
"The Dummy" is an interesting short film I caught on early 80's cable TV a few times, when they'd show interesting stuff in between movies. The premise is simple - the husband leaves for work, and his childhood toy, the dummy, terrorizes the wife when she is left home alone.

Running less than eight minutes long, "The Dummy" has a few creepy moments, such as when the dummy peeks in on the wife from under a door, or waits on the toilet for her to finish her shower. The wife is pretty and also has a really nice body which helps keep the viewers interested, and having her run around in short shorts certainly doesn't hurt.

One can look at "The Dummy" as what a full-length horror film may be like if you trimmed every bit of fat off it.
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Justice for All (1968 TV Movie)
7/10
Interesting first "All in the Family" pilot
5 September 2017
Having been lost for many years, this very first "All in the Family" pilot finally surfaced and we get to finally see how one of the greatest shows in TV history was born.

Of course, as with all pilots, tweaking was in order, and it's rather obvious that the original Mike and Gloria (Mike being "Dickey" here, and Irish, not polish) are pretty bad. They don't fit with the roles, and their delivery is pretty rough. It's a harsh contrast to the superb professionalism of Jean Stapleton and Carroll O'Connor as Edith and Archie Justice (not "Bunker" quite yet) respectively, who seem right at home playing their characters. They are so good in fact, that during All in the Family's heyday, there really isn't too much difference in their characters then from here.

D'Urville Martin gives a respectable Lionel (he also played Lionel in the second unaired pilot), but, while better than the other two supporting actors, it's obvious he doesn't quite fit. Martin of course went on to have a pretty decent career as a supporting actor.

The house layout is different, which is a little unsettling as we're so used to the "classic" home. Outside of Lionel, there are no neighbors mentioned or seen. Jean and Carroll pretty much completely run the show and take off with it, that's how good they are.

This is definitely a must-see for all All in the Family fans, as you don't always get the chance to see the origin of such a historic show.
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Death Race 2050 (2017 Video)
1/10
Unfathomably horrific
6 February 2017
"Death Race 2000" is without a doubt one of the greatest, if not the greatest, B-movie ever made. It was funny, clever, had some good subtle points, and full of action and beautiful girls. Of course, it was directed by the late great Paul Bartel, who is still sorely missed.

"Death Race 2050" however, is without a doubt one of the worst pieces of garbage that has been filmed in at least the past twenty or so years, maybe much longer.

There is absolutely nothing here that is in the least bit clever, interesting, or even good in the least. As far as the basics go, the acting horrendous, the cars ridiculous-looking, the FX abysmal, the characters annoying, it's all just a complete mess.

Even when the cars "race" they are going so slow and look so bad, they resemble a warped bumper car attraction at the local fair more than anything.

And my goodness, Malcolm McDowell, what happened, what happened. Did he really need the money that badly?

The very most I can say about this movie that doesn't completely tear it apart, is if you are into miniatures, watch for some scenes where they're used, they're probably the best things about this movie.

This isn't even as funny and clever as "Hardware Wars" was to "Star Wars" if you can possibly believe that.

This truly is such a poor blight on the original classic, it's a complete disgrace that this garbage was ever even considered to be filmed, let alone made. If you really, really must see this movie, torrent it, do not buy it, do not waste your money on it, do not pay a dime to see this movie.
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2/10
Boring comedy is short on laughs
29 October 2016
After sitting through the torture of the first comedy in the series, "Paranormal Activity," I'm not sure why I sat through this one as well. I guess I figured there had to be something decent about the series, since they keep making these movies, kind of like how the "Police Academy" movies kept being made for a while.

So I watched "Paranormal Activity 3" hoping it would be as funny as the first, and I'm not sure it was, but it was at least just as boring.

There were some laughs though in this dull comedy. The wife runs out of the kitchen area in terror when the furniture and more hilariously drops from the ceiling (after the ghost lured her out of the room with a well-timed doorbell ring (an old but gold prank), the ghost pulls the hair of a little girl and she just hangs in thin air (I hate laughing at a little girl, but it was pretty funny), and there's even an impressive scene in a bathroom with one of the little girls and a friend of the family which got some good laughs, and the actors get to show their comedy chops a bit.

There's also some of the typical "people dragging" that reminded me of Chris Farley being dragged around in some of his comedies. But mostly it's a very dull show in between the comedy bits. Like the first movie, you can condense this movie in a 20-minute short. Maybe tightening it up would highlight the comedy bits more.

Perhaps I'll check out the others in the series I missed. If you are willing to wait a while, often a long while, in between the laughs, maybe these Paranormal Activity comedies will be worth sitting through to you.
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The Good Son (1993)
Not bad as a funny cult film
26 December 2015
Macaulay Culkin was a darned good child actor, and I was looking forward to finally seeing this film after years of hearing about it. He plays a bad seed son, and his cousin warns people but no one believes him.

I didn't really find this to be a good film, since it feels there's about a half hour or so missing. Culkin's mom gets suspicious without enough evidence really, and his parents never really have it sink in (the father remains clueless the entire film).

However, if you view this film to see Culkin act like a very disturbing kid, and to see him say lines like "don't f**k with me," it's a pretty funny movie. When he casually takes out a cigarette and starts puffing, what can I say, it was hilarious. Watching him play dumb and dead-pan his way through situations to avoid being suspected of wrongdoing makes for great laughs.

Even Elijah Wood has his share of funny scenes, with his bulging eyes and acting crazy (the "food massacre" scene is great). And his trading barbs with Culkin's Henry is decent.

They do a good job, it's just that the film again, really isn't good so you have to enjoy it for what it turned out to be, an unintentionally hilarious romp for Culkin.
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Taylor Wayne's World (1992 Video)
3/10
Amateurish
8 December 2015
I get a kick out of the "parody" adult films, a genre which is immensely popular today. Some may not realize though that parodies were always made, and there's plenty to be found from the 80's and 90's.

While I certainly don't expect the older ones to be as elaborate as some of today's parodies (like the superhero ones, or "Star Wars"), "Taylor Wayne's World" is one of the worst I've seen. The girls are pretty, and the story virtually non-existent, but this is one of the worst shot adult films you will ever see. I mean, it's literally like someone mentally incompetent did the camera-work. Absolutely horrendous.

It's not even a matter of production values - it's just a matter of aiming the camera correctly, and you'd swear this was shot by a three-year-old. If you want to see what this one is all about because you like "Wayne's World" and/or Taylor Wayne, try to download it somewhere for free first.
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