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Totally bland and dire. One for 12 year olds only.....
22 October 2004
If you have a 12 year old little brother who has never seen any of the "Alien" or "Predator" films, show him AVP. He'll like it.

However if you were brought up on mature, cool films such as "Predator" or "Aliens" you should avoid this like the plague.

The film fails completely in some very basic aspects:

1) The Aliens should be f****** scary (like the originals....even Alien: Resurrection managed that to some degree!). Here they're not at all. That's a crime. 2) The Predators should be cool, with their gadgets and armour etc. They're not in AVP! 3) The temple?? Was it based on a rejected idea for "The Temple of Doom"? It just seemed like a way to split up the group of nobody characters so the monsters could pick them off. 4) The whole point of the film is to see Aliens fighting Predators, so it's pretty disastrous when the AVP fights are pish-poor. They're badly edited and filmed so you can't really see what's happening some of the time. And every single fight is mostly bloodless. Why skimp on the blood? The originals were pretty gruesome and they went down okay. Oh, I forgot. If you've got any gore you can't show it to the kiddie audience that this film is aimed at....... 5) It mucks about with the lore of the franchise. For example the Alien chestbursters should take days to be "born". Not 15 minutes.

6) Huge gaping plot holes you could fly the Predator mothership through. Why did they take assualt rifles into what they thought was a deserted temple? Anyone know? I don't! 7) I went to see this, despite the reviews, because I thought even if it was a bad film it'd still be engaging enough in a "so bad it's good" way. No chance. Not once did I ever care what was going to happen next. 8) To make something so bland from 2 of the most imaginative sci-fi franchises ever seemed like an impossible task, but Paul WS Anderson pulled it off, which is an achievement of some sort....

In short, they've taking the idea for what could have been a good "guilty pleasure" film and crushed all the life and soul out of it. Please don't watch it at the cinema or buy the DVD. It'll only encourage them to make more mindless rubbish like this.

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The Order (2003)
If I could give it 0/10 I would....
3 October 2004
This really is the worst film I have ever seen. Ever. Period. I actually paid £3.50 to watch this steaming turd of a movie. Incredibly dull, poorly acted, dire script, often incoherent and too many scenes that don't seem to have any relevance to the overall film (like when Heath Ledger's priest partner get's nailed to a wall by a ghost...what was the point in that scene? answers on a postcard please...)

I should have got a medal for sticking with this film for it's entire running time. I would rather take a strong kick to the groin than sit through this film again.

This should be cast into IMDb's bottom 100. Hopefully my vote of 1/10 will help it on it's way.
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Harry Potter and the Tedious Film
27 May 2004
Perhaps one of the most boring films I have ever paid to watch at the cinema. Nothing really happens in this film, and when it did I couldn't have cared less. The kid that plays Harry seems to spend the entire film gazing in awe at magical things. "Ooohh! A magic mirror! Ooooh! Magic moving staircase".....Magical goings on? Well a you are at a school of magic so get over it Harry....and he is told over and over again that "You are a wizard Harry!" which seems to surprise him every single time.....

I've not read the books so I can't compare the film, but suffice to say this film put me off ever reading Harry Potter or watching the sequels.

Anyone wanting to watch a magical masterpiece of cinema should give anything with "Harry Potter and the (blank of blank)" in its title a WIDE berth and go and watch something beginning with "The Lord of the Rings...." instead.

Overall 3/10
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Maximum Potential (1987 Video)
This video is "The Master of the Universe!"
15 April 2004
This workout video is truly amazing! I used to be a skinny ordinary guy, but following the guidance given by Mr. Lundgren I reached all the goals I set myself and found balance in my life.

Now I am a ultra-toned stacked beefcake like Dolph Lundgren himself! Even though this is 2004, Dolph Lundgren helped me obtain "The body of the 90's" and I couldn't be happier! This video turned my life around, and it only costs £3 from all good charity shops! I implore you to use this video to reach your "MAXIMUM POTENTIAL", just like me!!!!
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